Home to Stay
by Natfanfirst
Summary: Natalie leaves Lanview because John can't say the words. What happens when she finally comes back? Read and see! Rated NC17 for smut.
1. Chapter 1

ABC Owns them

* * *

**Chapter 1**

When she ran from Llanview she felt like a child, a child who couldn't face something as stupid as a man not being able to express his love for her in words. But now, now almost two years later she was a woman. A grown woman who had been thru so much since leaving Llanview, she had always thought that Llanview was bad luck for her, with all that had happened to her since arriving there all those years ago, sure she loved finding her family, feeling loved by them but, all the pain, all the pain that came along with finding things like love, it was too much for her to handle at times. Sure she was good at putting on a brave front, shit, real good at being brave but everyone has their breaking point and although it would have been perfectly normal for hers to be at one of the times she was kidnapped and almost died but know it was when John wasn't able to express those three words to her. So what did she do? She left town. She ran, ran far away and what did that teach her? She knew what it taught her, a few more lessons in life, in love and then it taught her the most important thing she could ever learn. That if she loved herself first, she could do anything, she could be anything, she could live thru anything and all she needed was herself.

Natalie yawned as she closed her eyes. In a few hours she would be home, home in Llanview, home and staying home, she missed her family so and now with her newfound maturity and self worth she wanted to be near them. She had plans for Llanview, plans to help out the community with more of her trust fund the same way she helped out a small area in Fla. Natalie fell into a deep sleep as she allowed the plane's turbulence to rock her to sleep, she dreamt about how everything came together for her in these last few years and how everything also fell apart.

About two years prior

Natalie landed in Fla. in Tampa to be exact, she wanted to go somewhere warm, she was so tired of the snow and the cold days. She had remembered someone talking about St Petersburg Beach at Roxy's salon, how beautiful the beaches were an how clear the water. So that's were she decided to go. She got a rental car and headed towards the beach, once at the beach she found a hotel and got a room beachside. She spent at least a month at that hotel just trying to figure out what to do with her life, where to go from there, she called her mom every week to check in but never told her where she was. She didn't want anyone to know, especially John, although she knew if he wanted to he'd find her. but she knew he wouldn't, that he didn't want to so she let him go, she started to anyways, it was hard at first he was in her head constantly, but then when she decided it was time to let him go she did, it was also time to get a job. When she found a job John started to become less and less in her thoughts, he was still in her heart and she knew he always would be but once she started working it got easier, much easier.

Natalie got a job at a local bar, she really enjoyed working there, the people were nice and the tips were good. She didn't want to touch her trust fund in fear that her family might find out where she was and she just wasn't ready for anyone to know where she was yet. She was working late one night when a man she didn't recognize approached her at the bar, the two of them were the only one's in the bar, the man took out a gun and pointed it right at Natty. He demanded the cash from the register but to his surprise Natalie wasn't just any old person to hold at gunpoint. Hell she was a pro at someone holding a gun on her, she was calm and told the man all the money was in the back in a safe, she led the way as she set off the silent alarm under the bar before she did. They went to the back and she faked fumbling for the code, she faked until the man loosened his grip on the gun. He loosened it enough for Natalie to knock it from his hand, the man went to grab her and just before he got her they heard his voice. A cop who got the call. The cop she got involved with, the cop she tried so desperately to love, to be in love with, but couldn't. She and Kyle spent a year together before it started. Before he realized she could never love him the same way he loved her. A year before her world once again turned for the worse, a turn that had to occur before she realized what she needed to do in life, before she had direction. A year before he started to hit her because he swore he loved her so much, a year before he was jealous of a love she still held in her heart for a man he never even met.

Natalie shifted in her seat on the plane as she remembered when she finally made the decision to leave him, it wasn't to long after he started beating her, he would hit her and then feel so bad about it, she'd forgive him and then things would be fine, he'd promise not to do it again but then he would, the last time he beat her so bad she ended up in the hospital. It was awful, she was all bruised up and battered and then the nurse told her. Told her something that made her sick to her stomach and she decided right than and there she wasn't going to be anybodies punching bag again. The nurse told her she had been pregnant. That she miscarried because of the beating. How she cried, cried and then her sadness turned to rage. The police department had to come down to the hospital for a report, it was procedure, the hospital had to call, but Natalie knew, especially when she saw Kyle's partner walk in for her statement, that there was no sense in reporting it, he was a cop and cops don't get involved in others business, especially domestic disputes. Kyle's partner said something to her about the fact that she should go home to her family if she didn't want it to happen again. And it pissed her off, royally pissed her off, she told him to go 'fuck himself" that no one was making Natalie run ever again.

That was the day she realized what she should do. What she could do with her trust fund. She put a part of it away for any children she might have many years from then, and she researched it, researched to see if there were any homes for battered woman and their children in the area and there was none. So she formed a plan, she called her family and had some of her money released and she found a location. She opened up a shelter for battered woman; she ran it with donations from the state and some of her own funds. She found an old building that she and a few volunteers renovated and four months later it was opened. It was running well with some great volunteers and she had a strong feeling of self worth, she felt good about something, it made her feel like this was something she was meant to do in life, to use her money for something worth while, to help others and she had never felt a better feeling before in her life, not even loving a man, not even with John.

Natalie again shifted as she started to wake when she heard the pilot say they were landing in Llanview. She woke thinking how she wanted to do something like that shelter in Llanview, the one in Fla. was running smoothly and since she had missed everyone so much she decided it was time to come home, time not to run any more.

She got excited thinking about being able to help woman in need in Llanview and the surrounding towns, she was also so excited to see her family and be with them again, she thought about whether she was excited or not to see John, she just wasn't sure. It had been a few years, she had changed so much, she was sure he had too, she knew there was still a part of her that loved him but did he still feel the same way about her? Was he even still single? She thought, well, either way I'm home, to stay.


	2. Chapter 2

ABC Owns them

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Natalie walked off the plane and took a look around, it was night time, ten o'clock to be exact and the small airport was dead, quiet, very quiet, she make her way over towards one of the doors waiting for her ride, waiting for rex, he was late but that wasn't a big surprise to her, he was always late. She walked outside and got a chill down her spine as she felt like someone was watching her, she turned behind her and saw no one, she chalked it up to her being paranoid and she continued to wait as she saw Rex drive up in the tow away zone in his new BMW. She smiled thinking what a show off as she approached the car. Rex jumped out to help her with her bags but he was too late she had already carried them to the trunk of his car.

"Nice ride" Natalie told him as she met him at the trunk of the car. He smiled back at her, threw her bags in the trunk and looked at her.

"You look great Natty, really great, I'm so glad you're back, I missed you" Rex said as he pulled her in for a tight hug. Natalie was so happy to be back, she hugged her little brother back and then again felt like she was being watched, she turned slightly after Rex pulled out of the hug and she looked behind her.

"What's wrong?" Rex asked seeing her shiver a bit and turn

"Oh, nothing, just adjusting to the weather change that's all" Natalie said as they both got in the car and drove to the Angel Square Hotel.

"Are you sure you want to stay here? You can stay with me for the night" Rex told her as they arrived at the hotel

"Yes, I'm sure, I'll be fine here, and you're sure Roxy isn't around for a few days? I don't want anyone to know I'm here till I surprise Mom and Jess first." Natalie told him as she got out of his car

"Yup, Roxy's away for a few days on a gambling cruise" Rex told her as he also got out, he helped her up the stairs with her bags and to the room he had gotten for her earlier.

"Here it is, the fifth floor, nice and secluded like you wanted, you're the only one on this floor." Rex said as he opened the door with the key. Nat went into the room and took a look around, she shook her head.

"I can see why" she said laughing cause the room was a mess, more than a mess, it looked like Roxy never cleaned the room or probably never even came up to this floor, the last floor before the roof. Natalie thanked Rex and he left, she cleaned things up a bit and then decided to get some sleep.

It was about five am when the alarm clock went off; Natalie jumped out of bed and went into the bathroom to get dressed for her morning run. Running was something she started doing after she opened up the shelter, it helped her to clear her mind and keep focused on things. She usually didn't go for her run until the sun came up but she decided it would be less likely to see anyone she knew if she ran before it got light. She was dressed and headed out her door in a matter of minutes. She ran for a good hour and it was beginning to get light out when she took a break near the angel square statue. She walked closer to it and skimmed it briefly with her hand; she smiled thinking of how she even missed this statue made of concrete. She was so busy caught up in her own thoughts that she almost didn't hear the screeching coming from a few feet away.

"Oh. My. God. Natalie is it you, is it really you? I can't believe it, you're back for a visit, we haven't seen you in so long, it's been so long, my gosh I was just telling Michael the other day that it's been like forever since you left I mea--" Marcie said a mile a minute, never taking a breather till finally Natalie cut her off.

"It's nice to see you Marcie, how are you and how is Michael?" Natalie asked as Marcie calmed down and started to calmly speak

"I'm fine and Michael is great. How long are you in town for? I just spoke to Jess yesterday and she didn't mention anything about you being in town" Marcie asked her as she continued to smile at her.

"Actually, I'm home to stay and Jess doesn't know I'm here yet. I just got in late last night and I'm going to go surprise her and mom after my run." Natalie told her

"Home to stay, that's wonderful! They're going to be so happy" Marcie told her as Natalie started to move her feet to finish her run.

"Well, I've gotta finish up my run and go see them, so it was nice to see you, I'm sure I'll be seeing you soon. " Natalie told her as she started to slowly run off

"Nice to see you too, hey by the way I'm having a surprise birthday party for Michael tonight, why don't you come, if you can, Please?" Marcie called after her as she watched her run off. Marcie ran after her a bit and Natalie turned to look back at her.

"I'll try, okay?" Natalie told her to try and get her off her back.

"Great! It's on the roof at the hotel, about seven, see ya then" Marcie said with a smile and then she stopped and watched Nat run off.

Marcie walked over to the diner to meet Michael in between his double shift for breakfast. She was surprised to see him already there, waiting for her.

"Hey, I'm sorry I'm late you're never gonna believe who I just saw, and she's not just back for a visit she's home to stay and boy does she look good" Marcie said as she hadn't seen John walk up behind her as she sat at the booth with Michael.

"Who?" Michael asked her as John approached them.

"Natalie" Marcie said as John heard her and he stopped dead in his tracks. Michael saw John approaching them and then saw John's face when Marcie mentioned her name. Michael just ignored John's reaction for a minute and smiled.

"Really, she's back and for good? And how good did she look?" Michael asked for John's benefit not knowing if he had heard Marcie the first time she said it.

"Yup for good, and she was running, could you believe it, Natalie a runner?" Marcie said as John still stood a few feet away listening to their conversation. Marcie changed subjects and John got lost in his own little world, he started to think about Natalie being back, all the things that had changed since she left, all the people who had changed since she left, how he had changed since she left. He remembered the last time he saw her, the awful conversation and fight they had, how he wanted so bad to tell her he loved her, that he had always loved her but his mouth just couldn't form the words. He thought about how he felt now about her, he knew he still loved her in his heart, distance and time didn't change that for him, it never could, not with the way he felt about her, but did it change for her, he kept expecting her to come back after a few weeks when she first left but weeks turned into months and then a few years. He had even tried once to get information on her from a colleague and the guy said he had the info but John decided it was best for him not to know. He didn't want to know if she was happy, maybe happy with someone else. He heard Michael say something to him and he came out of his thoughts.

John sat with Michael and Marcie for a few minutes and then Marcie had to leave, after she left Michael looked at John.

"It's great news isn't it? I mean that Nat's back, now you can get an undeserving second chance." Michael told him while giving him a smile

"What are ya getting at Michael?" John asked him

"You know what I'm saying, now that you dealt with your demons and obviously if she's back she's dealt with her stuff to, now maybe the time." Michael told him in an optimistic tone

"What time would that be Mikey?"

"The right time, time to tell her how you've felt about her, what you've felt for her since you met her, the timing is right, you've got a second chance" Michael again told him being optimistic

"Oh yeah, so I'm just suppose to tell her now after two years and expect her to just fall into my arms, expect that she still has those same feeling for me, expect that she hasn't found someone else. Okay Mikey, like that is going to happen" John said discouraging himself and then he got up and left.

"See ya tonight for your party" John said as he started to walk out of the door.

"It's supposed to be a surprise John, remember!" Michael screamed back at him as John continued to walk out.

"Your wife talks to much for it to be a surprise, Happy Birthday" John told him as he walked out the door.

John walked thru Angel Square and stopped briefly by the statue, he took a deep breath thinking about her, about her being back and what Michael said about a second chance to tell her. He heard a man clear his throat and looked over to see a very large built muscular man with brown short crew cut hair standing there staring at him.

"Hey, I'm sorry to bother you but can you tell me where the local police station is?" the man asked John.

"Is there something I can help you with I'm a Detective with the LPD?" John asked the man

"No. There isn't anything wrong, I'm just new in town and I need a job, I've been a cop in Fla. for the past seven years and was wondering if you guys were hiring" he told John as John thought about it for a few minutes

"I'm John Mcbain, chief of detective come with me I'm on my way over to the station now, you can speak to the commissioner if he's in"

"Nice to meet you, I'm Kyle Anders" the men shook hands and walked to the station.


	3. Chapter 3

ABC Owns them

* * *

**Chapter 3**

A few minutes later John and Kyle arrived at the station. John spoke to Bo briefly and then told Kyle Bo would be with him shortly. Kyle thanked John and John went to his office.

Natalie arrived at Llanfair and entered the house.

"Mom, I'm home," Natalie yelled out into the foyer as she smiled. She saw everyone's face as she entered the Library. Vicky got up slowly out of her chair to greet her with a big smile as Jessica laughed and ran over to her. Jessica gave her a big hug and a smile, then she went and picked up Sheri so Natalie could meet her niece for the first time. Natalie stopped hugging Vicky when she saw her Niece; she smiled at her and picked her up not expecting her to be so heavy. She laughed and they all sat on the couch so Natty could tell them she was home for good. They were thrilled; they spent most of the day together when Jessica mentioned going to get ready for Michael's party.

"Why don't you come?" Jessica asked Natalie as Natalie walked towards the door.

"I don't know if I'm up for a party so soon after being back" Nat told her

"Think about it, you just finished telling mom you want to still stay at the hotel, you'll be right there if it's to much for you, you can just leave and go down to your room" Jessica told her and Natalie told her she'd think about it. Natalie left to go back to her room; she thought about if she should go, what would it hurt to go, the worst thing that would happen would be she'd see John. Did she want to see John already? She asked herself and she decided she'd go. She got dressed in a pair of jeans and a light blue short sleeve sweater and she headed up to the roof. It wasn't very far since she was the last floor before the roof. She entered the roof and was greeted by Jess and Antonio. She stood by them for a few minutes when she saw Chris and Evangeline enter the roof, they saw her instantly and they walked over to her.

"Natalie it's nice to see you back, you look good," Evangeline told her.

"You to. Jessica says you're due any day, do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" Natalie asked her as Evangeline said girl. Evangeline excused herself for a minute leaving Chris and Natalie alone to talk

"I'm happy for you Chris, you finally got everything you wanted in life" Natalie told him sincerely as she gave him a quick hug.

"Thanks Nat, it means a lot to me that you seem to mean that" Chris told her as they smiled at each other

"I do" she said as Hugh Hughes approached her, Chris excused himself as Hugh approached.

"Hey, you're back in town, how are you?" Hugh asked as he saw her shiver a bit and look around.

"Are you alright?" he asked as he also looked around to see what she was looking for.

"Yeah, just a little cold, I think I'll go grab my jacket from downstairs" Natalie told him as she was about to walk away.

" Here take mine" Hugh told her and didn't wait for a reply and he put his suit jacket around her before she could protest, she looked at him and thanked him. They spoke for a few minutes and Nat told him she wanted his legal help with a few things. She started to explain about needing his help with getting a shelter set up when they all looked at the roof door when it opened. Michael and John walked out onto the roof and everyone screamed surprise.

John walked out on the roof and his eye's automatically found her, he wasn't sure if she would be here tonight but the minute he walked thru the roof door he felt her, he sensed that she was there. She saw him to and he saw her eye's get wide as they made eye contact, then John watched as she looked away and continued to talk to DA Hughes. He continued to stare at her and he noticed she was wearing his jacket, what was that all about? John thought as he watched them continue to have a deep conversation. John walked a little closer and knew he had to talk to her, he got real close to them and he saw her look up from her conversation with Hugh and see him.

Hugh noticed John also and he excused himself, he told her he'd call her tomorrow and they could discuss things more. He told her to continue to wear his jacket that he'd get it back from her later. After Hugh was completely gone John spoke.

"Marcie was right, you do look good," John told her as he stared into her blue eyes.

"Thanks so do you" Natalie told him back in awkwardness.

"So, I take it you've been good" John said fumbling on his words, he had no idea what to say to her, he knew what he wanted to say, what he wanted to do to her, but small talk wasn't happening for them right now. Instead he decided to use his eye's to talk to her, his desire filled eye's stared at her telling her he still needed her, and he still wanted her. He watched her eyes for a sign in them, a sign of the need she use to have for him, for the want she use to have for him and he saw it. Without words she took Hugh Jacket off her shoulders, she took it over to Hugh and thanked him. John watched her motions with his eyes. She looked back at him as she walked to the roof door and opened it; she gave him a look telling him she wanted him to follow her. John wanted to think for a minute but he couldn't, he wasn't going to waste anytime thinking when he saw was about to happen in her eye's as she went thru the door of the roof.

John followed her out of the door and saw her up against the wall as he closed the roof door behind him, he moved closer to her, he put a hand on her cheek and he leaned in for a gentle kiss to test the waters, just to make sure he wasn't misreading her eye's. She kissed him back forcibly and he knew he wasn't misreading things. She stopped kissing him suddenly and he looked at her.

"I missed you" John told her in a whisper as she took his hand and walked down one flight of stairs to her room. Natalie opened the door and they went in quietly as his hands came upon her waist and he pushed her up against the wall. Natalie took his mouth violently as she moved her hand into the back of his hair, pulling his head closer and closer to hers till John broke out of the kiss and moved his mouth down her neck, his hands were running up and down the sides of her body when she pushed him back slightly so she could take off her sweater. John impatiently backed up for a second but found she was taking to long removing her sweater when he helped her to rid it. The sweater hit the ground and John's hands moved to her heaving breasts, over the lacy material of her light pink bra his thumbs teased her nipples over and over till Natalie reached behind herself to try and get the clasp of her bra undone. She was having a bit of a hard time with it when he noticed and turned her around so he could help her. Natalie willingly turned her back for his help with the clasp, his fingers ran themselves back and forth under the clasp felling her bare skin as he undid the clasp, Natalie removed it from her arms and threw it to the floor, his lips came down on her neck nibbling and kissing the back of it as his hands moved there way around her to her breasts, he fondled her breasts as he opened his eye's while kissing his way down her back, he saw something on her back that was unfamiliar, a mark, a scar that was just below her shoulder blade, he stopped briefly and pulled back. Natalie felt him stop and she turned around to see him.

"Where did you get that scar?" John asked softly, he just couldn't overlook it, he needed to know.

Natalie had forgotten how he knew every inch of her body; she had also forgotten the few physical scars of Kyle's abuse that was still left on her body. He asked about one of the scars and she just didn't want him to know.

"I'm tired, I think maybe this was a mistake, please go" Natalie told him as she moved away from him avoiding his eye's. She put on her sweater and escorted him towards the door. John stood dumbfounded, he knew she wanted him the same way he wanted her, it was fine until he found the scar on her back. He walked to the door when she opened it for him but he didn't walk out. He turned to her instead and saw she wouldn't meet his eyes. John reached for her chin with his hand and pulled it so their eye's met.

"Maybe this was to fast, but I think there's more going on here than that, why don't you just tell me, you used to be able to tell me anything" John asked her as she stared into his eye's. Natalie didn't know why she felt like she couldn't tell him, she wanted to, but she just couldn't, she ran a shelter around people knowing what happened to her, she used her own stories to get other women in those same type of situations to trust her, it wasn't any big secret but why couldn't she just come out and tell him.

"Used to is the key word John. It's been two years and things change, people change, I've changed, I'm sorry I gave you the impression that things were the same."

"Natalie what almost happened with us, with what your eye's told me, that hasn't changed. Time may have moved on but our hearts haven't." John said as he leaned in and gave her a soft kiss on the lips, she accepted it and he walked out the door.

"I'm here when you're ready" John said as he saw her close the door behind him. John went down to his room on the third floor, he passed right by the closet by the stairs and right by Kyle who had watched and heard the whole conversation Nat and John had, had by her open door.


	4. Chapter 4

ABC owns them

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Natalie is home to stay after two years, Kyle a cop who she was involved with in Fla., who turned abusive and even caused her to lose a child has shown up in Llanview. John met him in the park and he asked about a job with the LPD. Nat doesn't know he's in town yet. John and Natalie saw each other at a party on the roof of the hotel for Michael. They got caught in each other and almost made love when John found a mark on Nat's back he didn't recognize. He asked her about it and she didn't want to tell him that it was from an abusive boyfriend so she asked him to leave her room on the fifth floor, John left reluctantly but told her he was there for her. As John was walking down the stairs to his room Kyle was in a closet near Nat's room spying on her.

Natalie tossed and turned all night trying to get to sleep, she just couldn't, she had an uneasy feeling about her and she just couldn't shake it. She was sure the feeling was brought on by what happened with John or what was going to happen with John. What she wanted to happen with John. She knew she shouldn't have let it get as far as it did, I mean they hadn't even spoke to each other in two years, and they were just going to what? Make Love like old times and it would mean what exactly? What would it have accomplished? Well she wouldn't be longing for his touch any longer, but what if he was involved with someone? No, she knew he wouldn't do something like that if he was involved with someone, that just wasn't John, although he slept with her knowing her husband was alive, no, she shook it off knowing he wouldn't do that. Her thoughts again came around to why she stopped and just about threw him out. He had found something different on her body and had questioned it, questioned it as if he knew it was something wrong, as if he knew something had happened to her. It was like a sixth sense with him; whenever she was in trouble he would sense it, but how come he hadn't sensed things when she was away? How come he hadn't when she was involved with Kyle? When Kyle was hurting her? She shook her head knowing why, it was for her to take care of, she was supposed to handle things herself and she did. It wasn't easy at first. But she did.

After Kyle beat her so bad that she ended up in the hospital she went and stayed with a few friends, Kyle came by a few days later but she was gone, she had gone a few towns away and she knew he knew where she was. But for some reason he didn't bother her, even when she started with the shelter, he never bothered her, it confused her at the time but she had thanked God for it. Natalie looked at the clock next to the bed and it was five am. Did she even get any sleep? She asked herself not feeling like she did. She got herself out of bed and got ready for her run.

John looked at his clock and it was five, he barely got any sleep last night, all he could think about was her. About Natalie, she was back and they almost spent the night together, they had almost made Love. He had missed her so much in the past two years, with all that had happened between them she still held his heart; no one in the last two years had come close. They were so close to making Love last night but something stopped them, something he found different on her body, a small scar smaller than the size of a dime, something so small any other person wouldn't have found it but he had and then he just couldn't let it go, he needed to know about it, he needed to know why she was marked, what had happened to her while they were apart. She got distant and asked him to leave; obviously his instincts of it being something were right. She was hiding something, something she didn't want him to know or she would have told him. Why hadn't she trusted him enough to tell him about it, what ever it was, why? He shook his head when he decided to get a jump on his day at work. He showered and tried so hard to get Natalie out of his thoughts but he just couldn't. It was near six when he ran up the two flights of stairs to her room, he needed to see her this morning to make sure she was all right. He knocked but no answered, after a few minutes he started to walk away. He walked out to the lobby and went to the station.

Natalie came back after her run and showered, she was going to go to the station today to see her favorite uncle, the one who meant so much to her, maybe even get to have a few more words with Hugh about his help. Natalie entered the station and was greeted by some of the cops she used to know from when she used to work there. She walked over to her old desk and smiled at the assistant that was sitting at it.

"Hi, I'm the commissioners niece and I'd like to see him if he's not to busy"

"He's in a meeting right now but he should be out in a few minutes if you want to wait" Natalie shook her head yes and she went over to the coffee machine and got herself a cup of coffee. She walked back a few feet and looked into her uncles' office thru the blinds but couldn't see anything. She saw the door to his office open and Bo walked out.

"Oh my gosh, Natalie honey, you're back" Bo said as he gave her a hug and kiss.

Natalie was to busy smiling and hugging her uncle to see who walked out of his office with John. Bo broke out of the hug and moved away from her for a moment. Natalie picked up her coffee that she had put down when he came over to hug her. She was sipping it when she turned to see who Bo started to talk to.

"Hey, I'm sorry I almost forgot" Bo said as he looked back at John and Kyle.

Natalie saw John first and met his eye's briefly then she saw who was standing next to him talking, she became frozen, she heard her uncle say something about Kyle being hired and she dropped the cup of coffee from her hand and it shattered into a hundred pieces.

John saw her drop the hot coffee on herself and it was as if she didn't flinch. He ran over to her to help her clean up and she didn't move. He waved his hand in front of her face a few times and then she snapped out of it.

"Nat are you alright?" John asked her, it was a minute or two before she answered him, he saw her face, her eye's, her motionless body. He was now more confused than he was earlier.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I guess it just slipped" Natalie said as she came to her senses and started wiping herself off with a towel Bo's Assistant brought her, she quickly took a brief glance at Kyle who was all smiles talking to her Uncle as she cleaned off. John watched her carefully something was up, he saw her look at the newest officer of the LPD and he got a funny feeling it had something to do with him. He finished helping her wipe off and he turned so he was facing her while he spoke to her.

"Natalie, I know something's wrong what is it?" he asked her as she barely acknowledged his words. She didn't say a word and she pushed right passed him over to Bo and Kyle.

"What do you think you're doing here?" Natalie asked Kyle as she approached him with a stone cold look to her face.

"Natalie honey, do you two know each other?" Bo asked her as he saw her face; Natalie ignored his question and again spoke to Kyle.

"Why are you in Llanview and why get a job here?" Natalie asked Kyle acting like there wasn't anyone else around. John stood still a few feet away observing what was going on.

"Yes, commissioner Buchanan we know each other and very well, I didn't mean to keep it a secret I just didn't want to get a job on my girlfriends merits or relations." Kyle said and Natalie got pissed.

"You can't hire him uncle Bo and he's not my boyfriend" Natalie said standing in front of Kyle

" Natalie babe" Kyle said as he got closer to her and she backed up briefly, he put his hand out and touched her arm. Natalie quickly pulled it back as if being burned by his touch.

"Don't," she told him after pulling her arm back. John saw her pull her arm away and he was getting concerned. There was most definitely history between the two of them, some not so good history, something bad for the way Natalie pulled back and almost looked frightened as the man touched her.

"Uncle Bo can I have a few words with you" Natalie asked her uncle and Bo nodded. The two of them walked into Bo's office and closed the door. John and Kyle both watched as the two left the room and then John approached Kyle.

"So, are you and Natalie still involved?" John asked Kyle trying to get a feel for the guy, Natalie said they weren't and with the way she acted he knew she wasn't still with this man, he wasn't quite sure yet if she ever was.

"Oh, we're still involved. There is nothing that's going to come between us, nothing" Kyle told John as John watched Kyle closely as he watched Natalie Thru Bo's office window. The guy was almost salivating at the mouth, something that bothered John to no end.

"So where was it that the two of you met?" John asked him walking in front of him blocking his view of Natalie.

"In Florida, I'm sorry man, I know this must be a shock for you, she told me the two of you had something sexual once" Kyle told John and pissed him off. He knew Natalie would never say they only had something sexual.

"So you knew who I was when we met in the park?" John questioned

"No, not till you said your name but I didn't want past things to get in the way of me finding a job. Natalie missed her family so much that she told me it was over and I wanted to surprise her by coming here for her." Kyle told John and John started to think about it, it could be true, but if it was why had she almost made Love to John last night. Why did she act like Kyle was fire when he touched her, and there was something else bothering him, the scar. Where did she get that damn scar? John thought to himself as they watched both Nat and Bo come from his office.

"Kyle" Bo called for him as he came out of his office

"Yes sir" Kyle said as he moved towards Bo and Natalie

" I'm sorry but I just realized we didn't do a complete background check on you, it was my mistake and I'm sorry, it's procedure and I can't hire you till it comes back and comes back clean. I'm sorry about the inconvenience and I'll call you" Bo told him and at first he saw the man's face get bitter but then it changed to a small smile.

"I understand perfectly Comm. Buchanan, I'll be looking forward to your phone call" Kyle said as he shook Bo's hand and started to walk away. Kyle turned back for a minute.

"Natalie can I have a few words with you?" Kyle asked Natalie nicely as Bo shook his head No. Natalie looked at Bo and told him it was alright, she went over a few feet away with Kyle as Bo and John never took their eyes off of them.

John stood with Bo when he was curious to what was going on.

"Bo, what's going on with Natalie and this guy?" John asked as they both still faced the two in the corner talking

"She'll tell you if she wants to" Bo told him as they continued to watch.

"What is it Kyle?" Natalie asked him

"Do you think that was a good idea? Telling your uncle about me, telling him your lies about what I did to you" Kyle asked her with a sweet smile on his face never breaking it and causing alarm to her uncle and John who were watching.

"Kyle, this isn't Florida and your not a cop here, you won't be able to pull the same things as you did there, so your just better off leaving" Natalie told him as she saw him take a step closer to her and she backed up quickly. An action that didn't sit well with Bo for he knew the truth, Bo walked over to them.

"Natalie darling lets go get a cup of coffee," Bo told her as he started to walk away with her. He turned back towards Kyle.

"Don't call us, we'll call you" Bo told Kyle as he left the room with Natalie. Kyle walked over by John briefly and he looked at him. He was mad on the inside and he had to try and cover it quickly.

"I just didn't think she would still be this upset," Kyle told John baiting him to ask.

"About what?" John turned towards Kyle and asked

"About losing our child, she hasn't wanted me around since she lost it and it bothers her to even have me touch her," Kyle said as he saw John's face before he walked out of the station.

John quickly went to his office and slammed the door behind him. He knew he shouldn't give any thought to what that guy said but for some reason it pissed him off, the thought of her having a baby and with a man like that. He caught himself, why? What kind of man did he think Kyle was? There was something off about him, something definitely felt wrong when it came to Natalie and Kyle. What was it? Was it just his own jealously? John wondered. Was it just that he didn't want to ever think about her having a child with someone, someone other than him? He tried calming himself knowing there was more to the story that he hadn't learned yet when there was a knock on his door. He called for them to come in and he saw her face as she did. She was scared and nervous, he could tell, she also looked like she had something to say but she stood across from him in his office just searching his eyes. He wasn't sure what it was she was searching for, was it forgiveness? He asked himself. They both stood staring at each other for a few more minutes when Hugh Hughes knocked on the open door.

"Natalie, I've got a few minutes before I have to be in court if you want to sit down and discuss what help it is you need from me" Hugh asked her as he then looked an saw the tension between the two.

"I'm sorry did I interrupt something?" he asked and they both shook their heads no.

Natalie moved to walk out with Hugh and looked back at John briefly before she joined Hugh in the hallway. John stared into her eyes and asked her.

"Why can't you tell me what it is you so desperately want to?" he asked her as a tear came to her eye.

"I could have asked you the same question two years ago before I left" Natalie told him and she walked out the door to talk with Hugh about the shelter.


	5. Chapter 5

ABC Owns them

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Natalie finished up speaking with Hugh and then decided to start looking for places for her shelter, she searched all day not finding anything worthwhile when she ended up at the cottage. Her cottage. It was empty, had been for years since the love crew finally moved out. She opened it with the key she had hide under a rock so many years ago and she went in. she looked around the place and it was just how she remembered it, except it was a lot dustier, dirtier, she remembered how she loved this place, how it was her home, she looked under the kitchen sink and found some old cleaning supplies and started to clean the place up. It always helped for her to stay busy while she had so much on her mind, and she sure had a lot on her mind today.

Today she saw Kyle for the first time in along time, he had come to Llanview and she wasn't quite sure why, it was odd, he never bothered her for the last year while she was two towns away from him but now that she was back home, he came here, he was here and he was definitely up to something for which she was unaware of, but definitely something. He tried to get a job working for her uncle and with john. John she thought, was that what it was all about? Was he back to make sure she wasn't with John? What right did he have being here where she loved it, being here in her hometown? She heard a noise and it brought her out of her thoughts as she walked out of the kitchen and into the living room to see Kyle standing there watching her as she walked in. she stood motionless for a few seconds and then she went to grab her purse to call the police when he ran and grabbed her by her arms.

"Not so fast, we have unfinished business you and I" Kyle said as he threw her on the couch. Natalie protested and tried to stand up as he pushed her back down.

"Stay there! I just want to talk for a few minutes and then we'll see what else I feel like doing" he told her as she stopped trying to get up off the couch, she knew it would be worse on her right now if she resisted. He wanted to talk, she would let him talk and then she would run, as soon as he was distracted she'd run. Kyle got up off her on the couch once he was sure she would stay. He started to pace back and forth like a crazy person.

"You had to leave didn't you, leave me in Florida and come here, come back here to be near him, why? I wasn't bothering you, I stayed away, but I couldn't any longer not when all you wanted was him, to be here with him" Kyle said as Natalie waited for an opportunity to run and get away from him, he was scaring her again, scaring her more than he ever did, he seemed deranged, obsessed.

John was finishing up some paperwork at his desk when Bo walked in.

"What's up Bo?" John asked as he saw a disturbed look on his face.

"Have you heard from officer Davis lately?" Bo asked John

"No, haven't seen or heard from him since earlier, what's up?" John asked again

"I asked him to tail Natalie when she left earlier just in case and I haven't heard from him in awhile, thought maybe you might have" Bo told John and they both looked at each other and got an uneasy feeling come about them.

"Why would you have her tailed?" he asked

"Cause she wouldn't let me have someone protect her and I knew she would probably need it" Bo answered with a worried look on his face

"Why did you think she needed protection?" John asked getting an uneasy feeling come about him

"I can't say John but Think about it" Bo told him and John thought long and hard for a few minutes when he grabbed his coat and ran out the door.

"I'll put out a APB on Davis's car" Bo called to John as he watched him run out of the station.

Natalie continued to wait for an opportunity to run when she thought she had a chance, she started to slowly get up off the couch as he was still pacing back and forth, he hadn't been looking her way and she got up but he saw her trying to run from the couch and he pushed her back down on it and brought himself on top of her.

"I can't believe you" Kyle said as he slapped her across the face. He continued to get red in the face as he put his hands around her neck and started to choke her, he stopped briefly after a few seconds realizing what he was doing, he calmed down while still lying on top of her on the couch.

"Lets go I'm taking you back to Florida with me" Kyle said as he grabbed her up by her shirt and pulled her with him.

"I'm not going anywhere with you" Natalie told him in a defiant shaky voice as she planted her feet firmly on the ground and refused to move. Kyle heard her defiant tone and he pushed her back on the couch. His hands went to the collar of her shirt as he again was on top of her, his hands started to shake as he crumbled them up into fists as he held on to her shirt and he watched her, he leaned in for a rough kiss and Natalie resisted, she made it perfectly clear that she wasn't doing this with him now, that she held nothing for him, nothing but hatred and fear.

"I see, now that your back with the good detective you don't want any part of me" Kyle said getting really angry this time. His hands were shaking and he removed them from her shirt collar and again placed them on her neck. Natalie was extremely frightened; he was much stronger than her. She saw his hands going back to her neck and she knew if she didn't do or think of something he would more than likely kill her. Natalie thought quick and remembered that Kyle use to carry a hand gun when he was off duty in his boot, she tried to lean down towards his boot to see if she could find it while he was trying to choke her. He started off choking her softly but as he felt her move to reach down he thought she was resisting him again and he started to tighten his grip on her neck. Natalie quickly got her hand down to his boot and found the gun. She pulled the gun out of his boot but before she brought it up towards him, they heard John. John was in the foyer a few feet away with his gun drawn and pointed at Kyle.

"Get off of her now!" John demanded and Kyle let out a small laugh as he stopped choking her, he moved to get off of her momentarily as he reached for the gun in his boot and found it was gone, Natalie had it in her hand, Kyle knew John couldn't get a clear shot at him without the chance of hitting her so he tried to grab the gun from her and it went off. Kyle automatically fell on top of Natalie with blood oozing out of him from his stomach, John ran over not knowing yet who was hit by the bullet. Natalie pushed Kyle's body off of her as she automatically went to the floor, pulled her knee's to her chest and started rocking herself back and forth in a state of shock.

John checked Kyle's body to see where it was bleeding from as he called for an ambulance. John was in no hurry to apply pressure to his wound when he heard Kyle start to mumble something about loving Natalie. John watched as Natalie rocked herself back and forth faster as Kyle continued to speak his last words about loving her.

"Natalie, Natalie" John called for her over and over as she continued to rock back and forth, she had blood all over herself from when she shot him and from when his body fell on top of hers. The ambulance arrived a few minutes later but it was to late, Kyle was already gone. The medics took his body out on a gurney as Natalie never looked up or stopped rocking. John moved closer to her to try and get her to look at him but she wouldn't, she couldn't. Bo had arrived and saw his niece in an unstable state. He motioned for John to come an explain as he saw John a few feet away from her not wanting to leave her alone.

John explained what he found when he came into the house and what had happened, how it was an accident the gun going off. Bo informed John that they found Davis knocked out, gagged and tied out back to a tree. They both just watched as Natalie continued to be in her state of shock.

"What should we do? I've never seen her this bad before, and usually I can get thru to her, this time she won't let me" John told Bo

"I don't know, I honestly don't know, I'll go call Rex or Vicky maybe they can get thru to her" Bo said as he walked away to make the call. John moved closer to Natalie again and watched her, he got down on the floor with her and tried placing his hand on her shoulder but she didn't even flinch, she didn't even acknowledge him there. He moved himself right in front of her on the floor and put his hand under her chin and tried to bring her eyes up to meet his but she wouldn't let them meet. He spoke to her anyway.

"Natalie, I know you can hear me, It's not your fault, this wasn't your fault, please babe, let me help you" John told her and she still didn't respond, he was continuing to get more and more worried with each passing moment that she was like this.

"Please Natalie you're scaring me now, you just got back, I can't lose you again, not like this, I still Love you" John said while still holding his hand under her chin, Natalie moved her eye's and met his. She stopped moving back and forth and stood still for a moment.

"I wanna go home" she told him as he helped her to her feet, he walked her outside passed Bo and the officers. John signaled to Bo that he would take care of her and Bo nodded his head. John drove toward Llanfair and was about to pull in the driveway when she stopped him.

"No, not here, the hotel, with you" Natalie told him and he turned the car around and headed towards the angel square hotel, John walked them to the fifth floor.

"No, your room, our room" Natalie told him.

"I know, that's where we're going, I need to get some of your clothes," he told her softly as she looked down to see that what she was wearing was all full of Kyle's blood. Tears came to her eyes and a few escaped as they entered the room and she got her clothes. Natalie had her clothes in her hands and she stood looking around the room, continuing to shed tears, John saw she was getting swept back into a state of shock so he picked her up and carried her out of the room and down to his.

Without words he stood her near the bathroom and he started the shower for her, he led her into the bathroom and helped her remove her blood soaked clothing, he guided her into the shower and left for a few minutes as he took the clothes into the other room to dispose off. He knew he could, he knew they were not needed as evidence, this case was cut and dry, Natalie had the marks on her neck to prove it was self defense. Marks he probably should have had checked out by a Dr. but he was so happy to just have her out of the state she was in at the cottage that they'd have them checked tomorrow. He could hear her crying over the shower so he went back into the bathroom and found her in the shower just standing there crying. He got in the shower with her fully clothed and pulled her to him and held her as the water washed away all the last signs of Kyle Anders. He looked at her neck with those awful marks on it and then he felt around on her back for the small scar he had found the other night. He touched it and he now understood why she was so upset by him finding it.


	6. Chapter 6

ABC Owns them

* * *

**Chapter 6**

John helped Natalie out of the shower once she was all clean, he guided her to the other room where he helped her put on a nightshirt to sleep in. without words he led her under the covers and covered her back up once she was settled in comfortably. He started to walk away to go change and she grabbed his hand as he did. She looked at him and he knew what she wanted without words.

"I just have to get out of these wet clothes," John told her as he went in the bathroom with his clothes and changed into sweats. John walked out of the bathroom and pulled the covers down and climbed into bed behind her. He pulled her back to his chest and could feel she was close to falling sleep.

John held her as she slept and his mind couldn't help but think about the what-ifs. What if he didn't think about the cottage, what if he hadn't gotten there in time? What if that man had a better grip on the gun then it would be Natalie they were sending to the morgue. What if she hadn't come back at all? John desperately tried to get all those images out of his head when a few more popped into it. The images of Kyle Anders making marks on her body, scars like the one he found. He heard her cry out in her sleep and he pulled her closer knowing he would never let her get herself into a position like that again. A position where an abusive man hurt her, physically or emotionally. He said a silent pray and tried to get some sleep.

Somewhere in the middle of the night Natalie had moved her body around so she was facing him, she had one arm draped over his body and his arms were still around her waist. She woke slowly and she saw his face, she felt his arms on her and she needed to feel him, feel him closer, she brought her body to him as close as possible and she brought her lips to his chest, she started kissing her way up towards his lips as she felt him respond to her actions. John felt as if he was still asleep and he felt her body on his, then he felt warmth actions on his lips, it felt right so he started to meet her actions with her lips on his, he took her lips devouring them, deepening their kisses, with each deepening his need growing more and more. John moved his hands down her backside as he pressed himself closer and closer to her body. One hand made it's way towards her chest and he opened his eye's realizing what was going on. He stopped and she knew it. She too opened her eyes and looked at him.

"Natalie" he said softly

"Now isn't the time for this" he said still very softly as he moved his body away from hers a few feet.

"Are you kidding? I should've known. " She said sitting up

"Natalie" he said as he watched her get angry

"I should have known you wouldn't want me know, know that I'm damaged, damaged goods" she said as she got up out of the bed and searched for her stuff.

"You know that's not true" John told her as he got up out of the bed.

"No, I don't know that's not true, I don't!" she told him as she gathered her stuff and walked towards the door. She was about to open it was he put his hand on the top of it preventing it from opening.

"It's just to soon, It would be a mistake this way, you've been thru to much last night" John told her as she continued to be mad.

"To Soon! A Mistake! I've been thru too much last night, hell last night was a walk in the park compared to what I've been thru over the last couple of years" Natalie told him as she tried to open the door again and he still wouldn't let her.

"Why don't you tell me what it is you've been thru?" John asked her

"Why don't you tell me again what it was you told me last night? Last night at the cottage?" she told him meeting his question with hers. John stood dumbfounded, he couldn't say it, and she just glared at him.

"Unbelievable! I should have fucking known!" Natalie said at his inability to again repeat the words that he loved her.

"Let me out! I'm real good at dealing with my own problems" she told him as he released the door and let her leave. She walked out and heard a few soft words come from him as she did.

"I love you," he said softly knowing she heard him, he also knew this wasn't about that. It was about her being in pain and having no outlet, that was the same reason he didn't want them to make love, he didn't want their Love making to be about pain. He wanted it to be about their love for each other.

Natalie didn't flinch when she heard the words she always longed to hear from him; instead she continued to walk up the stairs to her room. Once completely in her room she closed the door and stood behind it, she pulled herself down to the ground and let herself cry, she continued to cry for a few minutes when she picked herself up off the ground and got herself ready for her morning run as if nothing happened.

John stood in his room just looking at the door for a few minutes wondering how to help her, what could he do to help her get over this. He came to no real answers to his questions and he showered to begin his day.

Natalie ran, she didn't pace herself and she ran thru Llanview as if running from something, running from the images of Kyle in her head, images of his dead body laying on her and the images of him trying to choke her to death. She so desperately wanted to get those images gone, she needed them out, she ran faster and faster till she ran so far out of town she was almost into the next one. She stopped out of breath for a minute to regain herself and she looked around. She almost couldn't believe what she was standing in front of, Crossroads. Crossroads was right on the border of Llanview. She looked at the old building in amazement. She didn't remember it being so big before, she went to the door to try to pry it open but it was locked up, she looked in thru one of the front windows and saw thru towards the bar area, there was a broken window by it, she walked around to it and cracked the glass that was left on the window and she was able to just slip in thru the broken window.

Once inside she looked around, she smiled to herself remembering all the good times she had in his bar, with Chris, with Ben, playing pool, she even remembered meeting John here for the first time. She continued to look around as she went in thru the kitchen, it was a fairly large kitchen she thought as she remembered the bar had an upstairs that use to be set up as a few apartments that Max Holden once rented out. She went upstairs and looked around, she started to form an idea in her head, it had the perfect location she told herself, and it was big enough to start, far enough off the beaten path, sort of secluded. Ben would've loved for it to be used for something so worthwhile. She pulled out her cell phone and made a few calls.

A few hours later she sat at a dirty table waiting for a few contractors to show. She had gotten Max's phone number and spoke with him about buying it and he told her he would donate the place to the shelter. After finding out that he and the kids were doing fine she grabbed an old yellow pages and started calling contractors to get started on it. Here is where she waited for hours just coming up with a plan, a plan to make this a safe haven for women who felt they had nowhere else to turn. A few more hours had passed and all the contractors that she had appointments with left. She stood alone going over plans and ideas for the shelter as she looked at her watch and realized she had been there for almost twelve hours, it was almost nine in the evening, she heard a noise and fear set in for a minute until she saw him standing at the door looking at her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked him as he walked into the bar.

"I've been looking for you all day," he told her as he approached her

"And why would you be doing that?" she asked him as he got even closer and they stared at each other.

"Because I was worried about you," he told her studying her eyes

"I see" she said disappointed by his answer.

"And because I Love you" John told her as he saw her eye's tear and he leaned in for a soft kiss hoping it would help to ease the pain she was trying so hard to ignore.


	7. Chapter 7 Smut

ABC owns them

* * *

**Chapter 7** **(NC-17)**

Natalie and John continued to softly kiss for a few more minutes when Natalie broke their making out. She walked away from him for a few seconds thinking, thinking if she could do this, if she could tell him, he made a huge leap telling her in words how he felt about her, how he always felt about her and she sensed that he was different, things were different, she continued to try and figure out if she could trust him again with her heart, with her soul. John started talking and she walked back over near him and faced him as he did.

"You know when you left, I was a mess, I lost you, I lost my dad, Caitlin, almost everyone that meant so much to me. I was already spinning out of control and I couldn't stop. I spent quite a few nights drunk off my ass, and the nights I wasn't drunken I was waiting for you to come back to town. I always thought I didn't need to be with you, I mean... that came out wrong. I always thought that I would be alright with us just being, just being together but when you left, it was as if you took more of me with you than I was left with. I know I'm not making sense. "

"It makes perfect sense to me" Natalie told him as she looked into his eyes

"All I'm really trying to say is... I've faced them, all of them, my dad's death, Caitlin's murder, the regrets I've had with you, regrets that I never told you, regrets about the stupid Chris lie, regrets that I just didn't hold on to you tighter and I even regretted that we may never have had a chance to see what the future held for us. I don't know, I mean maybe we were meant to be so much more than we were, than we are now. Maybe were suppose to grow old together, to loose our teeth together, have some grandkids together, I just don't know, and I regretted that I never took the time to figure it out." John told her as he touched her cheek.

"What.. What exactly do you see for us now john? What exactly do you want for us now?" Natalie asked him as she placed her hand over his on her face.

"I see it all, the future, all of it, and I want it all, all of it with you, all of you" John told her while he leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. She pulled away briefly and looked into his eyes. She could trust him, he opened his heart for her and she felt like she learned so much more about him in just a few minutes than she knew about him for three years.

"There's things John, things from when I was away, things I should tell you and I want to. I just don't want them to change the way you feel about me. I don't want you to look at me and pity me, or feel like you have to protect me from the world, or even that it was your fault. I just want you to know and I just want you to listen. Do you think you can do that?"

" I can do that," John told her

"Okay, but before I start, I need you to know one really important thing." Natalie said softly

"Yes" John replied still staring into her already glassy eyes

"I Love you John Mcbain, and I never stopped" Natalie said watching as his eye's became glassy.

Natalie briefly told John about how she ended up in Florida and how she met Kyle. She told him about how good he was to her for a little while but how crazed he got when he realized she wasn't in love with him the same way he was with her. She told him a few times he so casually hit her and then felt awful about it. She could see it was bothering him but when she asked if he wanted her to stop telling him about it he told her to continue. She was unsure about how to handle the subject of her being admitted to the hospital and her losing a baby. So she just said it the best way she could. She explained it to him, she explained it all, she was strong when she told him and he held her hand thru the whole sick story of her life for a year with Kyle Anders. She mentioned about the cops at Kyle's station not wanting to speak up and say anything and that was when she could see John get really mad, he let go of her hand for a minute and walked outside to clear his head, he returned shortly and she finished her story of abuse.

"It's a good thing the guy is dead or I would've killed him myself" John said as he saw her start to tear up. He pulled her near him and held her head to his chest, as he caressed the back of her hair.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, I shouldn't have brought it up," he told her as he continued to hold her tight. Natalie pulled away from his chest after a few minutes and she looked at him, she wiped away the few tears that had fallen down her cheeks.

"I'm going to be alright John, It's turned out alright," Natalie said trying to reassure him she was going to be okay.

"Natalie you've been thru so much, last night, the last few years, Hell since you've been in Llanview. It's amazing that you can even say those words, say that's it's turned out alright" John told her as he looked deep into her amazing blue eye's.

"Well that's me amazing," she said joking as she took a few steps away from him with a small smile on her face. She looked around crossroads.

"This place is actually something what's amazing, it's going to be the perfect place for a shelter." Natalie said as she continued to walk around it looking at every nook and cranny.

"A shelter Huh?" John asked and Natalie realized she had forgotten to tell him about the shelter she helped to open in Fla.

"Yeah, a shelter, a safe haven for woman with problems, did I tell ya I used some of my trust fund to open one in Florida?" she asked him as he shook his head no.

"Well I did and that's what I'm going to do here, right here in crossroads," Natalie said as she saw a big grin come across his face.

"What are you grinning at Mcbain?" Natalie asked him as she approached him with a matching grin.

"Nothing much but you do remember this is where we first met?" he asked her pulling her closer to his body by his arms.

"Yeah, I remember, it was also here were you touched me for the first time too." she said as looked into his eye's and continued to playfully grin.

"It was, wasn't it" John said softly before he kissed her deeply.

Natalie and John quickened the pace of their kiss and John's hands went to the bottom of Natalie's shirt, he pulled it up over her head as he only briefly stopped kissing her to remove it. John's hands went around towards the clasp on her bra and he undid it without any difficulties. Natalie moved forward a little and let her bra fall to meet her shirt on the ground. Her mouth went back to his as he started to move his hands down to her jogging pants. He pushed them down her legs along with her panties, Natalie toed off her sneakers and kicked her pants and panties off of her as she also bent down to take off her socks. She looked at him as she was bent over and she saw John quickly trying to unbutton his shirt, she moved back up caressing him with her body as she did and joined his fingers to work on his buttons, button by button she helped him undo as their hands moved down his shirt and their eye's locked. After they undid the last button John pulled his shirt out from in his pants as Natalie's eye's and her hands latched on to his belt, she undid it in one swift action and she went to his button and zipper. John pulled his arms out of his shirt as he felt her warm hand move inside his pants to touch him as her other hand unzipped his zipper, excited by the feel of her hands he pulled her closer impatiently as he mouth came down on her breasts. As John felt her push his pants and underwear down he more urgently took her nipple into his mouth suckling and teasing as her hands never removed themselves from his erection.

Barely being able to breath caused by their need for each other John pushed Natalie backwards towards a near by wall and pinned her up against it as he never took his mouth off of her breasts, his tongue came out to play as it licked and flicked her already hardened peaks, Natalie arched her back up as much as possible up against the cold wall and she let out a small moan as she continued to touch him, grabbing a hold of him she at first slowly and steadily moved her hand up and down on his erection till she felt him back up a bit so she couldn't reach, she smiled knowing she brought him close and she moved her hands to his back as she closed her eye's enjoying the feeling of his mouth on her nipples. John looked up for a moment and saw her face, her eye's were closed and her head was back against the wall, she had a small smile on her face that seem to grow bigger and bigger as his tongue did it's magic on her nipples, he took one of his fingers and lowered it to her center and touched her slightly as he heard her hum in anticipation, he gently inserted it inside her slightly and he watched as she opened her eyes. She looked straight into his eyes with desire written all over her face.

"Make Love to me John" she said softly as she took his hand that was resting on the side of her head on the wall and she led him over to the bar. She stepped up on the bottom of one of the stools and she climbed up on the bar and laid herself down and waited for him to climb on top of her. John climbed on top of the bar and brought himself on top of her and inside of her; he pushed himself inside her deeply as he felt her body accept him, her legs wrapped around him pulling him deeper into her core. As much as he wanted to try and slow it down he had no control, he lost control and he started moving faster, pushing deeper inside her till he felt her start to tighten around him, he gave one last deepening push and it sent them both over the edge together. John stood for a few minutes still over her, inside her as her walls relaxed; he looked into her eyes. He was about to say something when Natalie saw him start to and she spoke first.

"I know, I know no words are needed, I've always known," she said as he pulled himself gently out of her, he laid next to her on the counter of the bar and he held her close to his heart.


	8. Chapter 8

ABC owns them

* * *

**Chapter 8**

John and Natalie spent a few hours lying on top of the bar just staring at the ceiling, just enjoying the feeling of just being with each other, without words needed. After a Little more time passed John started to feel his back start to hurt more and more, it was hurting from the uncomfortable wood on the counter but he was ignoring it because he felt at peace holding Natalie and he didn't want to do anything to stop the wonderful feeling he was having, the feeling he hadn't have since she left, the content feeling he never had. Finally he just couldn't take it anymore.

"Ow! " John said as he sat up slowly holding his back, he saw Natalie laugh and he looked at her, he too Laughed.

"Why didn't you say something old man?" she asked him smiling.

"Old man Huh? I'll give you old man," he said as he grabbed her as she sat up and took her lips.

"Whoa! I think we better stop right there or you'll throw your back out" she told him playfully as he didn't stop continuing to take her lips

"Okay, okay, it's your call but just think about the rumors flying when I have to call a medic and you know how they talk. They talk more than Marcie" Natalie said and they both laughed.

"Alright, any idea where are clothes are?" John asked as she got up first and put her hand out to help him off the counter. They found their clothes and went back to John's room, home.

It was sometime around 1 am when they both finally feel asleep, they had arrived back around midnight, they were exhausted but decided to make love again, this time in their bed, Natalie was just about asleep when she felt his grip around her get tighter. She had her head resting on his chest and he was holding her so tight, almost to the point of her not being able to breathe.

"John, can you just loosen your grip, just a little" Natalie asked him softly as she felt him do so in his half a sleep state.

"Sorry, babe" he said as he fell completely and contently asleep. They both did.

Three months had passed and things were moving along well for John and Natalie, Natalie moved into John's room and she was working hard with getting the shelter or the safe haven, as she liked to call it open. In just a few more weeks it would be open, then Natalie knew she wouldn't be able to spend as much time with John as she was right now. Right now they were spending every free moment together, he worked and that was what she planned her schedule around. She worked around his schedule, which was alright, but once the shelter opened she would have to be there more, even spend a few nights a week there, and it wasn't possible for him to stay with her. She knew it would be hard but she knew he understood the same way she understood about him being a cop.

Another Month had passed and John was waiting at a table at Rodi's for Michael, the safe haven had opened a few weeks ago and Natalie was spending the night there tonight, it was her night, every Wed and Thursday nights was her shift. John was having dinner with Michael tonight, he wanted to speak to him, and well actually he wanted some advice from his married younger brother. John had been thinking about what he had told Natalie a few months ago when they trusted each other with the truth. Truth that John loved her and had always, and she trusted him with the truth about what she had been thru while she was away. He was thinking about how he told her he wanted it all with her, and that was what he had to talk to Michael about. He wanted to ask Michael's advice on how to ask her, he knew it seemed silly to be asking his younger brother but he was clueless, he managed to pick out a ring, he thought it was beautiful, the salesperson thought it was beautiful, but he wanted it to be special for her. Michael walked in and John smiled when he saw him, a nervous I can't believe I'm asking my little brother for help smile.

"What's going on Johnny?" Michael asked as he saw his face.

"I'm...I.. I want to marry Natalie" John told him and stopped

"Yeah, I kinda figured that might be coming soon" Michael told him with a smirk

"You did?" John asked confused

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure the whole town figured it was going to happen for the two of you this time around." Michael added still smiling

"What? Never mind, what I need is.. Well.. A little help with how to?" John asked shyly

"you mean how to ask her?" Michael blurted out again smirking, thinking it was cute how shy his brother was acting about all of this. John nodded his head yes.

"I don't know what to tell you John just do it. I mean just ask her, it doesn't have to be anything major, and I know Nat well enough to know she'll just be happy that you asked." John took the little advice that Michael gave him and looked at his watch, it was still fairly early and he knew she would still be up at the shelter doing paperwork. He said Goodbye to Mikey and headed over there to ask her. He was surprised when he got there and no one was at the desk when he first walked in, there was suppose to be someone there at all times. There also was usually some large guard type man sweeping or cleaning to make sure things were Okay, he wasn't around either. John got suspicious so he walked upstairs, he walked thru the hallway up towards the rooms that was there and he noticed the guard on the ground, he was bleeding and unconscious, he called the station for back up.

John listened and then heard voices coming from one of the rooms, it was Natalie's voice, her tried to Gage her tone and listen what she was saying but he couldn't. Then it got real silent and he heard a man.

"Tell me where my wife is or I'll shoot " John heard the man say from out in the hallway. Then he heard Natalie tell the man no, that she wouldn't. He got panicky, all of a sudden he couldn't breathe, he felt ill and he stood frozen for a moment till he heard a gun shot. He freaked and grabbed his gun and ran inside the room to see Natalie kneeling over a mans bloody body. She was putting pressure to his head with a piece of her shirt. John ran over to her and couldn't speak for a few minutes; he had just started breathing again.

"John, call for an ambulance he shot himself" Natalie told him and John was unresponsive, Natalie called him a few more times and John just looked at her scared face and walked away, he walked out of the house, a few officers walked into the house as he walked out and he pointed upstairs.

A few hours later Natalie walked into their apartment. She had given her statement and got things at the safe haven settled when she saw him sitting on the couch waiting for her.

"John, what happened? Why did you just leave?" Natalie asked him as she approached him

"Natalie, I don't think I can do this" John said as he got up off the couch and walked by the window

"Do what John?" Natalie asked as she walked up behind him

"Watch you put yourself in danger at that place. I couldn't handle it if anything was to happen to you, I'm not sure I can survive it again. You need to decide," He told her, as he didn't look at her

"John this is stupid, I'm not in danger at that place, that man was just a one time thing, this never happened in Florida and I'll have better security next time. You really couldn't be asking me to decide between you and that place could you?" Natalie asked him not really taking him seriously

"That's exactly what I'm asking you to do," He said as he turned around to look at her

"That's just ridiculous John, your scared and your being ridiculous. Lets go to bed things will look different in the morning" Natalie told him as she tried to take his hand but he pulled it back from hers

"No Natalie they won't, decide" John demanded

"I'm not deciding and it's not fair for you to even be asking, your work is dangerous yet I don't ask you to give it up for me, I'm scared all the time but I know you love what you're doing and that you love making a difference so I love that about you to, I put my own issues aside why can't you?" Natalie told him back a bit angrily

"I can't watch you die in front of me Natalie, I won't" John told her as he walked towards the door.

"Are you just going to leave, leave me and things like this cause you're afraid?" Natalie asked him as he opened the door

"I have to" John said as he started to walk out the door

"Get out then! Go, don't look back, I thought you worked out your demons, your issues but I guess we were both wrong" Natalie screamed at him as he walked away

Natalie cried herself to sleep that night when she woke in the morning it was late, around ten am when she quickly got dressed, she decided she wasn't going to let him do this, she wasn't going to just let him leave her and things, they loved each other and she would make him realize that life was full of gambles and risks. She went to the station and saw her uncle as she walked in.

"Uncle Bo is John around?" she asked him

"No, he's gone Natalie, he handed in his resignation" Bo told her


	9. Chapter 9

ABC owns them

* * *

**Chapter 9**

Natalie walked out of the station and she didn't know if she wanted to cry or kill John Mcbain, he resigned, first he left her and now he's left his job, she was pretty sure she knew he probably was on his way to leave town if he hadn't already, Bo said he found his resignation on his desk this morning when he got in about eight am. She felt weak at the knees and she sat on a bench right outside the station to regain her strength.

Hugh was walking into the station when he saw Natalie on the bench, she didn't look good, he walked over to her, said her name and as she looked at him he could see she was starting to pass out, he ran closer and caught her upper body as she did. After a few minutes of trying to wake her she did.

"Natalie, Natalie" Hugh said as he saw her eye's open

"Are you alright?" He asked with concern

"What happened?" Natalie asked him as she came to.

"I saw you sitting here and you just passed out, come on you don't look so good I'm taking you to the hospital to be checked" Hugh told her as he started to help her up off the seat.

"Don't be ridiculous Hugh, I'm just under a lot of stress" Natalie told him a she pushed his hands away from helping her

"I'm not taking No for an answer," Hugh said in a demanding tone as he looked into her eyes. Natalie didn't want to fight so she let him drive her to the hospital, Hugh waited for Natalie outside the exam room as he watched a nurse come out with some vials of blood. A few minutes later he watched as Michael walked in to examine Natalie.

"Hey, I didn't even look at the chart, what's wrong?" Michael said as he saw Natalie sitting on the exam table

"Your asshole coward brother that's what's wrong, he left me and I'm pretty sure he left town." Natalie told him not being able to control the anger she was feeling for John.

"Natalie, he wouldn't do that," Michael told her as he recalled his conversation with John last night.

"Sure he would and he did, he even quit his job" Natalie told Michael

"What? Are you sure?" Michael said still not wanting to believe that John just left.

"Do I look like I'm lying" Natalie said as she felt weak and she felt like she was going to throw up, Michael saw she was going to be sick and he handed her a pail to be sick in.

"Lets see what's wrong with you first and then we'll discuss my brother" Michael said as he checked her chart, the nurse came in with a report on her blood, Michael looked at it and then looked at her.

"Not sure if what I'm going to tell you will make you feel better or worse. Natalie you're almost four months pregnant." Michael said as he went closer to her and touched her shoulder.

"Impossible Michael, I've been getting my period." Natalie told him.

"Yeah, when was the last time?" he asked

"Two months ago?" she told him not wanting to accept the fact that she could be pregnant. She thought about it and she realized it could be possible but just not four months.

"Okay so maybe I'm pregnant but not four months, I haven't missed that many periods," she told Michael as he looked at her with his answer.

"It doesn't always matter, something you still get a lighter period for the first few months, you wouldn't be the first it happened too." He told her and Natalie thought back to about four months ago, it had to be crossroads, the first time they made love since she was back, they made love a few times that night, but she knew when she conceived, it was at crossroads, how ironic she thought, roads crossing, paths crossing yet that was the first place she met John and yet he chose to take a different road, he left and she was having his child. Natalie was becoming overly emotional when she saw Michael pick up the phone in the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked him as she had a feeling he was trying to call John.

"I'm calling my brothers cell, he won't leave town if he knows you're having his baby"

"Put the phone down right now Michael! Right now!" Natalie demanded

"Natalie we need to tell him before he leaves town " Michael pleaded with her

"You mean if he hasn't already, and I'm not telling him! You aren't going to either" Natalie again demanded

"Natalie he has a right to know" Michael told her

"He has no rights here, none! It's my body, my baby at the moment and I don't want my doctor telling anyone my medical information, got it Michael, so you understand me know?" Natalie said threatening Michael with a confidentially case.

"Natalie I know you're upset with him but if he knew" Michael said as he put the phone down and again walked closer to her

"I know Michael but if he knew he'd come back or stay because he felt obligated to, not because he wanted to, not because he could get over the things he said to me late last night, the choices he wanted me to make. I can't tell him about the baby to get him to see things my way when he doesn't or doesn't even want to try. He'd just be miserable, we'd be miserable, I just have to wait this one out and do this alone. I'll have this baby alone and raise it alone if I have to but I can't use it as an excuse to have him stay when he feels he needs to go." Natalie told him strong when inside she felt like crying.

Natalie and Michael ended their debate on whether or not Natalie should try and tell John about the baby and in the end although Michael tried really hard to convince her, it was Natalie's decision. And her mind was made up for now. Natalie walked out of the room to find Hugh still standing there waiting for her.

"What are you still doing here?" she asked as he walked over to her

"I was waiting for you, I wanted to make sure you were alright" He told her as he saw her eye's tear up, she looked away from him as a few escaped and he noticed it.

"Hey Nat, what did the doctor say?" Hugh asked as he watched her cry a few tears, a site he had never seen before.

"It was good and bad news all wrapped up in one," she said softly not looking at him

"Want me to call John for you?" Hugh asked as she looked at him

"No " she said softly as she continued to cry in front of him.

"Are you sure?" he asked as he put his hand on her shoulder

"Yeah, I'm positive, John's not around anymore and I'm not really sure where he is and ...and... and I'm having his baby" Natalie said crying and Hugh pulled her close and held her to his chest.

"I'm sorry I wish there was something I could do for you, I know we don't know each other to well but.. I'm a really good listener and I can be a pretty good friend when I need too." he told her as he held her

"Thank you, but I think I just need a Little time alone" Natalie said as she pulled out of his hold on her and she wiped away the last remaining tears on her cheek.

"I understand, I'll drive you home to the hotel" Hugh told her as they began to walk away.

"No, not to the hotel take me to Llanfair" Natalie said as she turned to him.


	10. Chapter 10

ABC owns them

* * *

**Chapter 10**

It was nearing Natalie's due date when she had just finished repainting the carriage house. She had decided to move into it so she and the baby could be closer to her family in case she needed any help. She had only gone back to their room, their home, hers and John's at the hotel once since finding out he left and finding out she was pregnant. Rex had gone with her and she got her stuff and left, she didn't even want to be in that place alone, it made her to upset, the doctors were already monitoring her pregnancy closely because of the first baby she had lost. She was supposed to stay away from undo stress and try not to get so upset about things. Upset about things, she almost laughed in the doctors face when she said that, everything she thought about made her upset, John not being there, him leaving for such a stupid reason, the idea that John may never come back and her child may never have a father in it's life. Michael almost had her convinced a few times to call him, well to at least leave him a message so she could tell him, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Michael himself had almost told John once or twice about the baby in conversations when John had actually had time to call but the phone calls from John were very few and very short. Michael found out John took a small assignment with the FBI in DC to help them with a big case they just couldn't seem to solve. He couldn't just contact John because he was undercover but he could leave messages and John could call him back.

A few days went by when Natalie had just finished putting the baby swing Hugh had bought her for the baby together when she felt a few contractions come on, she went for her stop watch on the table and saw that they started at five minutes apart, she called up to the Llanfair and Kevin was the only one there, he drove over to the carriage house to take her to the hospital but before they left she remembered she didn't have her overnight bag and he ran back in the house for it. Natalie thought for a second and she grabbed her cell phone out of her jacket pocket, she had the number to leave John a message in her memory card because she had come so close to calling him so many times over the past five months, she dialed it and got some kind of voice mail thing, she waited for it to say his name and she left him a message.

"Hey John, it's...it's me, I just..., I don't ..I" Natalie said as she got a sharp contraction come on her and she tried not to scream into the phone but she whimpered into it a little before she hung up, she saw Kevin coming from the house with her bag and she told him to hurry.

Natalie was walking the halls waiting to further dilate to have her baby as she noticed the rest of her family arrived, she was still waiting on her Lamaze coach thou, Hugh was held up in court on a very important case and she didn't want to call him and bother him with a silly unimportant thing like her having her baby. He had become a really good friend to her in the last five months, he had become a strong shoulder to lean on the when she needed to, they were only friends and they both knew there would and could never be more because of the way she had felt about John, the way she still felt about John.

Jess saw Nat and she ran over to her just as she saw Nat's breathing deepen and Jess knew from having her daughter that Natalie was close.

"Where's Hugh?" Jess asked

"In court I didn't think it was fair to call him out of it for a baby that wasn't even his" Natalie told her in between the pain coming on her.

"I don't want him to get the wrong impression," Natalie said all out of breath

"I think it's a little late for that Nat" Jessica told her as Natalie gave her a look as she held her stomach from the contraction

"No, it's...it's not, he knows where I stand. I've...told him" Natalie told Jess as the pain was getting more intense.

"Come on honey your close lets go get the doctor and get ready to have him deliver your baby" Jess told her as Natalie just gave Jess a look.

"Jess..can..you" Natalie went to ask her to come in and be with her but she couldn't get the words out.

"Of course I'll come in with you, what are twin sisters for? Any way I want to be the first to welcome my niece or nephew into the world." Jess told her with a smile as she escorted her into her labor and delivery room.

Twenty-five minutes later Natalie naturally delivered a baby boy, eight pounds five ounces, he didn't have a lot of hair but what hair he had was a very dark brown color. It had been the most amazing thing she had ever felt, the most amazing feeling came over her when she looked into his little face, his ten perfect fingers and ten perfect toes, for which she counted as soon as he was born. She was settling into her room holding him when her family had finally left so she could get some sleep. Sleep she Thought when they insisted that she get some, how could she sleep now? now that he was here, her baby, all she wanted to do was sit and watch him do anything. She just couldn't believe that this little person came from her. Natalie sat and watched as he yawned, she watched as he slept and her mind wandered, it didn't really wandered it just thought about what it always thought about, what it felt like she thought about every second of everyday, John. He was a father and he didn't know it. Would he even care? She knew that answer before she even thought it, but she wasn't sure if he would want her. He couldn't stay for reasons she didn't understand, stupid reasons but so didn't she, she had left for almost two years because he couldn't say words that she knew he felt. She knew it in her heart and yet she used it as an excuse to run away. She saw Michael walk into the room with a huge vase of light blue roses and a teddy bear. He was all smiles.

"Well look what I found at the nurses station for you and for my nephew." Michael told her as he brought the flowers and bear close.

"Who are they from?" Natalie asked figuring they were from Michael and Marcie

"Don't know, there's no card," Michael told her continuing to smile

"No card Huh?" Natalie said and she smiled.

"Hey there big guy, I'm your uncle Mike, I'm going to be your favorite uncle, I'm the coolest of all of them." Mikey said as he looked down at his nephew in Natalie's arms.

"The coolest huh?" Natalie questioned with a smirk

"Yeah, I can be cool when I want to be. Marcie sends her love but she has a cold, and didn't want and bring it to the baby." Michael told Natalie as he continued to look at the baby.

"So does my nephew have a name?" Michael asked and Natalie was still, her smile was gone and she got teary eyed.

" I'm sorry, Nat" He said as he reached a hand out to her

"What do you have to be sorry about Michael, I'm just one big bag of emotions right now, isn't that normal, normal for someone who has just had a baby, normal for someone who loves someone and that person isn't around to see his son be born, normal for s---" Natalie was letting her emotions talk.

"Shhhhh.." Michael said and he held her. Natalie wiped away her tears after a few minutes and Michael let go of her. Natalie pulled herself together.

"So about that name. I really don't have one picked out for a boy, really couldn't bring myself to think about it. Think about the baby being a boy. Any suggestions?" Natalie asked Michael

"Well you could name him after John" Michael said softly trying not to upset her more

"Nope, couldn't do that, what if I was to name him after John and he never came back, then I would just be reminded of him every time I hear his name." Natalie told him

"Nat, your going to be reminded of him ever time you look at your son, he looks just like my brother"

"I know, but I can't bring myself to give him his name right now, not even sure about the last name." Natalie told Michael as she looked at her sleeping angel in her arms.

"How about after my father, he was a good man, and you could do it for me, not for john but because I asked you to. Please?" Michael asked and Natalie thought about it for a few minutes

"Thomas Buchanan Mcbain how does that sound?" Nat asked after a few minutes of debating over the name

"Just perfect" Michael said as Hugh walked in the door.

"I think that's a perfect name too" Hugh said as he smiled at Michael and Natalie, he looked at the baby.

"Can I hold him?" Hugh asked and Natalie nodded yes. Hugh picked him up and held him and Michael got jealous, why he was jealous he was unaware, it really wasn't jealousy it was something else, this was the love of his brothers life and his son, and Hugh was trying to weasel his way into their lives. He had never liked Hugh because of the stuff all those years ago with Marcie but there was no way in hell he was letting this guy into Natalie's life. There was no way he was going to be a replacement father for his brothers child, no way. Michael excused himself and went into the hallway. He pulled out his cell and left a message telling John in was urgent that he contact him about Natalie.

Natalie went home from the hospital a few days later with Thomas, Natalie was adjusting to taking care of him and he quickly became everything to her, her world, she even stopped spending so much time at the shelter, things were running smoothly there and she wasn't needed as often. She spent all her time taking care of the new love of her love, her beautiful son.

A few months had passed and Thomas was sleeping well, he was on a regular schedule and Natalie had even gone back to the shelter working a few days a week when she still hadn't heard from John, nothing, not a call, she didn't even get a feeling about him, a feeling whether he was safe or hurt, nothing, she chalked it up to their connection not being strong enough and she made a decision. A decision that she just had to let go, move on, she wanted to be happy again, really happy. She wanted to make things simple, to have a simple life, she wanted Thomas to have a simple life, she wanted him to have a dad, someone he could count on. It was time to let John Mcbain go, she knew it, he didn't even bother to return her phone call in over two months. Michael had even mentioned that he tried calling him a few times and he never returned any of his calls either. Natalie was just getting Thomas to bed when Natalie heard her phone ring, she grabbed it before it started to wake Tommy and it was Hugh. He wanted to see if she could attend a County fundraiser with him tomorrow night, he also included that she could try and drum up some funds for the shelter. She thought about it for a few minutes before she answered him, why not she thought to herself and she told him yes. They were friends, he knew that, she knew that it wouldn't hurt for her to get out of the house a bit.

DC Hospital

"Now agent Mcbain remember your stitches still need more time to heal, that was a pretty serious knife wound you suffered and your pretty lucky you didn't have more damage" the doctor told John as he checked him out of a hospital in DC. John called in the DC FBI office for the first time in over two months, the case was going smoothly till the end and he just couldn't chance getting caught checking his messages. He listened and Heard Natalie's voice and he froze, he heard her in some sort of pain and she hung up, he got in his car as he listened to a message from Michael saying it was urgent and about Natalie, he drove a little faster, then he got at least three or four more messages from Michael saying it was about Natalie, he was starting to panic as he raced back to Llanview.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Natalie was all dressed in a beautiful brown dress as she waited for Hugh to pick her up for the county dinner. She was a little nervous tonight and she didn't know why, it wasn't like it was a date, they were friends and they both knew it, maybe it was leaving Thomas for the first time. Michael and Marcie had jumped at the chance to watch him, Marcie herself was three months pregnant and they wanted to see what it was like to have a baby around, they even asked if he could spend the night with them, that upset Natalie a little because she would be alone all night, she was so use to having him home with her, it being the tow of them, but when they asked how could she say no, she had taken him and all his baby things to there house earlier.

Hugh seem to be running a few minutes late when she decided to check her makeup and how she looked again. She looked in the mirror in the foyer and looked at herself.

She was back to her old self, her weight was back to normal, it probably helped that she didn't gain much because she never felt like eating while she was pregnant, she was to depressed most of the time, to upset about life and about John leaving. She shook her head telling herself she didn't want to go down that road now, not now, now she wanted to go out to this dinner with Hugh and try and have a good time, although she would much rather be going to Rodi's for a burger it would be fun, she and Hugh got along well. She continued to look at herself in the mirror. She looked at the dress she bought today for tonight, it was a beautiful shade of brown, not to dark, and not to light of a shade, a medium tone just the right shade to not overpower her red hair. It wasn't to revealing, not to low of a neckline but it did acsensuate her enlarged breasts. Natalie tried to play them down but this was the only dress she had liked. The doorbell rang and she grabbed her shawl and her clutch purse and answered it. Of course it was Hugh and as she answered the door he looked at how beautiful she looked and couldn't form words for a few minutes.

"Natalie, you look...that dress.. Beautiful" Hugh told her as he approached her, he leaned in and gave her a soft kiss on her cheek. The kiss and his words made Natalie uncomfortable, was she giving him the wrong impression again.

"Thanks, Hugh, you remember about the friend thing right? You and I friends, good friends?" Natalie asked him

"Yeah, I remember but a guy could always dream couldn't he?" he told Natalie with a smile and then he laughed a little as if stating a joke. He took her arm and they left the carriage house.

---------------------------------------------------------

John ran into the angel square hotel, he saw a person he didn't recognize behind the counter and asked about Natalie living there and the person told him she didn't live there any longer. The man also told John he knew Natalie thru Roxy always talking about her but didn't have any other info on her. He ran out of the hotel and called Michael's cell phone again hoping this time he wouldn't get a voice mail, he even tried the house number a few times but it sounded like it didn't even ring and went straight to a answering machine. He drove towards Michael's and Marcie's' home to find out where Natalie could be.

Marcie had just put Thomas down in his portable crib when her cell phone rang, she knew it was Natalie again checking up on Thomas, Michael had turned the house phone and his cell phone off so the hospital didn't bother him on his day off, he and Marcie wanted to enjoy their Nephew in peace tonight. About ten minutes after Marcie had just gotten off the phone with Natalie reassuring her that Thomas was fine she heard the doorbell ring, before she could answer it Michael did. He opened the door and John rushed in with out even saying hello.

"What's going on? Where's Natalie? What's wrong?" John said a little out of breath for he felt like he was running a mile a minute. Michael was in shock and didn't quite no what to say to him then they heard Thomas cry in the crib. Marcie had already picked him up and was holding him.

John looked around at Marcie and the baby, then back at Michael, clue less he spoke.

"Mikey, I didn't think Marcie was due so soon. Congratulations" John said as he walked closer to Marcie and the baby. He looked into his little face and smiled at him as the baby continued to cry.

"He seems to have your lungs" John said joking

"No, he probably has his mom's and we're probably going to here the similarity later" Michael said and John just assumed he was talking about Marcie and he laughed a small laugh.

"I'm sorry for barging in Michael but I just got off assignment and there was a message from Natalie and then quite a few messages from you about it being urgent about Natalie. Is something wrong? Is she okay?" John said as they all continued to hear Thomas cry, Marcie had gone inside to get him a bottle but she returned to the living room when he didn't seem to want it. She couldn't sooth him and she went over to Michael, unsure how Michael was going to handle things with John and his son being so close and it was definitely not Michaels place to tell John, but how could he not. Marcie handed Thomas to Michael and went into the kitchen to put the bottle back. Michael walked closer to John with Thomas but before he got to close the doorbell rang. Michael walked with Thomas who had just quieted from crying and he answered the door.

"I'm sorry Michael, I just couldn't do it, I had to see him" Natalie said as she and Hugh started to walk into the house after Michael opened the door. John heard Natalie's voice and he came closer to the door.

Natalie reached out her arms and took Thomas from Michael while still standing in the foyer; she was unaware of John's presence in the living room watching her.

"Were you a good boy for your aunt and uncle Thomas, I missed you, mommy missed you so much Thomas, so much" Natalie looked into Thomas' face and told him as she kissed his forehead and brought him on her shoulder to hold him. She looked up from him after she put him on her shoulder and turned to Michael.

"I'm sorry, I can't spend the night without him, I couldn't even spend two hours away from him, Hugh is going to drive us home if you've got his seat" Natalie told Michael as she walked into the house more, as she walked closer to the Living room, she looked up and right into John's eye's.

John stared into her eyes and then at the baby on her shoulder, he had already figured things out when he heard her words to their son. He stood frozen and so did she was they heard Hugh speak.

"Natalie, maybe...maybe someone else should give you and Tommy a ride home" Hugh told her hinting that it was best he left and hinting she needed to talk to John.

"Mcbain can you give them a ride home?" Hugh asked John as everyone else continued to be still. John nodded and then Hugh took the baby's infant seat, he took the seat to Natalie, she bent down and put him in it and buckled him. Without words John went over and as Natalie was about to carry the seat out the door he took it out of her hands, he carried the seat to his car as she followed and as everyone else's eye's did. Natalie leaned in and buckled the seat to the car in the back, she got in the car with Thomas in the back seat and John started to drive. The only words spoken were one's asking where to go and they headed towards the carriage house. John watched Natalie sitting in the back seat next to the rear facing car seat with his son in it. Their eye's met in the mirror a few times and she would just look away when they did.

They arrived at the carriage house and Natalie un-straped the seat and John again took the seat carrying it inside the house. He took Thomas out of his seat and held him at arms distance from his face so he could look at him. He ran his finger across his soft cheek and he saw his eye's close as if it caused him to start falling asleep.

"He likes it when you feel his face, it makes him fall asleep." Natalie said as she watched him.

"What's his full name?" John asked needing to know if she gave him his name.

"Thomas Buchanan Mcbain" Natalie told him as she looked into his eyes. The two stood looking at each other for a few minutes before Natalie spoke.

"I'll go change and then we'll talk" Natalie told him as she started to walk away from him. John moved towards her and he gently put his son on his shoulder and he touched Natalie's arm before she started up the stairs. Natalie felt his touch and him being so close and she turned to look into his blue eyes.

"Natalie... I...You...look beautiful. He's...beautiful" John said as Natalie teared up. John's hand went to her face to caress her cheek and at first she let him but then she pulled back and shook her head no. She went upstairs to get comfortable.

John held his son on his shoulder as he walked back and forth around the house, he just couldn't believe it, he was a father, he had a child, a son. Natalie had his baby. She hadn't told him, he thought about that for a few minutes, did he hurt her that much when he left that she would have kept something like this from him. Would she have ever told him? He had just spent the last seven months dreaming of her, and dreaming of someday coming back to her and now to find out she was pregnant and that she had his child without him knowing, it was a bit much for him to handle, he couldn't quite wrap his brain around it, should he be mad? Should he hate her? He was confused, very confused. He just didn't know if she had any intention of telling him and then he thought about who Natalie was, the type of person she was, he even thought about his son's name, first and last. He knew she wouldn't have given him the two names that meant so much to John if she had any intentions of keeping his son from him forever. He took a seat when he saw her come down the stairs in her pajamas. He smiled inside watching her put her hair up in a ponytail, he loved her so much but he didn't see this being easy, none of it, but when it came to them what was ever easy. Natalie leaned down to John and took Thomas from his arms.

"I'm going to put him upstairs in his crib, he'll sleep now till the morning" she said as she walked back upstairs with Thomas.

John watched her walk away with their son, their son he again smiled, but this time a bright smile from ear to ear as it hit him, they produced a son, a baby from their love, their crazy, not so easy to figure out love. He was still smiling when Natalie returned and sat on the couch next to him.

"John, we need to figure out how we're going to handle this and I know you are probably mad at me but I--" Natalie was in the middle of telling John when he leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. Natalie kissed him back briefly but then pulled away shaking her head no.

"No, John. I won't be going down that road again with you"


	12. Chapter 12

ABC Owns them

* * *

Chapter 12

"No John, I won't be going down that road with you again" Natalie told him as she pulled away from his kiss. John leaned back on the couch and they stared at each other for a few minutes, till Natalie too leaned back up against the back of the couch.

"How do you want to handle this John?" Natalie asked

"Handle what?" John asked clueless

"Visitation, custody, spending time with your son" Natalie told him as she pulled a pillow close to her body

John took a minute and it never dawned on him, he was so happy there for a few minutes, a few minutes thinking about his son, his son that the woman he loved with all of himself gave him that he, his mind and his heart just assumed they'd raise him together, they'd be a family. He frowned a little realizing how much pain he must have caused her for her to be so distant, to act as if she didn't trust and didn't want to trust him again.

"John" Natalie said as she watched his far away stare

"I.. I.. just assumed we'd raise him together you and I, I mean I really haven't had any time to think about it, I guess maybe we should talk about it, maybe tomorrow after we've both had time to think." John told her not knowing what else to say about it

"Sounds good" Natalie told him as she got up from the couch, John also got up off the couch

"I guess I'll be staying at the hotel, maybe my... our old room is still available," he told her as he walked closer to the door.

"It's not," Natalie informed him as a sad look came upon him.

"Okay, maybe there's an other room then" John said as he changed his tone and disposition

"You could stay here tonight, " Natalie said, the words before she had time to think about what she was saying

"Okay, thanks." John wasted no time thanking her since he was pretty sure she was kicking herself for asking him,

"You can.. can stay in the extra bedroom," Natalie told him as she saw his face change, it again had a sadden look to it.

"You didn't expect to be staying in my room did you?" Natalie asked him

"No, of course not, I know I hurt you, I know it's not going to be easy to get us back to where we were" John told her as he stared into her blue eye's.

"It's not going to happen John, not ever again," Natalie told him, as her eyes got glassy.

"Natalie don't say that." John said softly as he felt as if he was punched in the gut.

"I'll say what ever I want to say, you have no say in my life anymore, no rights, you gave them up when you walked out, walked out and left me cause you couldn't handle reality." Natalie said getting upset and angry at the same time, how dare he just come back into her life now, now when she wanted so desperately to move on from his love, and then for him to act like she should just forgive him and give herself to him, that a few words or a few small actions would make her forget all the pain he caused this last time, she shook her head getting more upset, she wasn't going to let it happen, she wasn't going to fall into his strong arms and forgive him.

"You know I could say the same thing to you about when you left and ran away cause I couldn't say I love you, remember, I didn't hold it against you." John told her after watching her have a private debate in her head, at first he wasn't going to bring up the past, when she left and how so easily they picked things up but then he just couldn't let it slide.

"Are you kidding John, do you really think that was the same thing, I mean, you never committed to me, committed to loving me when I left town. You on the other hand walked out on me, we were living together, we both committed to loving each other and you got freaked and left. Now your back and I'm not sure why? And if you ever had any intentions of coming back. Did you? " Natalie told him in a huff

"While we're asking questions I could ask you if you ever had any intentions of telling me about my son." John said meeting her questions with his.

"I asked my question first John, why did you come back tonight, why after all these months you come back, come back after I've finally made the decision to move on with my life?" Natalie asked getting intense about having him answer

"Move on with your life? You mean move on with Hugh Hughes don't you?" John said snippy as he was upset by the fact that she made a decision not to wait for him.

"This has nothing to do with Hugh, it's about why you came back tonight?" Natalie told him as her temper softened a bit

"I.. I got your message and it upset me, I just got my messages tonight, I was deep undercover and I couldn't check them before tonight. I got several from Michael to and he said it was urgent about you, so I..I got scared an came right over to make sure everything was alright, to make sure you were alright" John told her softly as he looked at her glassy eye's.

"Why didn't you just call?" Natalie asked as they both were calming from their prior words.

"What?" John asked wondering himself why he just didn't call.

"It would have been easier and faster to just call me, why didn't you?" Natalie said clarifying her question

"I don't know, honestly I'm not sure, maybe I just needed to see you, to make sure for myself that you were okay. You know I didn't leave because I didn't love you, I left because I loved you too much." John told her as he continued to stand in front of her; he reached his hand up to push a piece of hair behind her ear.

"There's no such thing John, it's not possible to love someone too much." Natalie told John and they heard Thomas cry out in the baby monitor, it wasn't his usual cry and Natalie automatically walked over to the stairs and went up to check on him. John saw Natalie's concerned face as she walked upstairs and he followed her up.

By the time John entered Thomas' room Natalie was holding him to her chest and walking back and forth across the room with him.

"Is he alright?" John asked as he moved inside the room with Natalie.

"I don't know, he feels warm, like maybe he has a fever" Natalie told John as he walked closer to her, john stopped right next to them and felt Thomas forehead.

"Yeah, he feels warm" John told her as she started to quiet him with her walking. Natalie continued to pace for a few minutes when it seemed liked he was sleeping in her arms. She felt his head again and he didn't seem to be really hot just a little warm, she leaned him down to put him in the crib and he woke up screaming again, Natalie again held him to her chest and started walking him around. Natalie had walked him for almost an hour with each time she tried to put him down him waking up screaming, finally John who had asked Natalie several times to let him help, went over to her when he saw how exhausted she was and took Thomas from her arms.

"Here, give him to me and you go lay down and rest" John told her

"No, I've got him, I don't need to rest"

"Natalie go take a break, I can do this, let me " John told her as he looked into her exhausted eye's

"Okay, but only for a little while" Natalie said and she went into her room for a rest. Natalie fell asleep after only a few minutes of lying down, John walked Thomas around and then they walked into Nat's room. John watched her as she slept, she was so exhausted, probably not only because of tonight but because he knew Natalie probably didn't let anyone help too much with Thomas, he knew her and she probably insisted on doing everything herself, alone. He thought about how she did all this alone, had his baby, set up this warm house for him, how she was loving him alone, how she took care of him alone while he was growing inside of her and how she was taking such good care of him alone now that he was born. He thought about what a fool he was, what a mistake he had made, another mistake to add to his collection of mistakes that he made when it came to loving Natalie. John shook his head at the fact that he was so stupid. He had told her when she came back that he wanted things with her, a future with her, a life with her and about all his regrets yet he went ahead and made another one, a huge mistake, a huge regret.

John continued to watch Natalie sleep as he and Thomas walked around her room, he started to think about what she said to him earlier, earlier about not wanting to go down the road of loving him again, how she had just let go, let go of loving him and she had moved on, he knew he had his work cut out for him, she wouldn't trust him again easy, it would be even harder this time, probably the hardest it's ever been. He kissed Thomas' forehead and he knew he wouldn't be giving up this time, he wouldn't stop trying, he wouldn't stop doing till she trusted him again, till she felt she could love him without being hurt by it. He didn't want any more regrets, he couldn't handle anymore and he refused to have anymore. They had, had a child, a baby, a son, and they loved each other more than anything else, there was no way the three of them wouldn't be a family. There was no way Natalie would never be his wife. John watched Natalie sleeping for a few more minutes when he laid on the bed next to her with Thomas on his chest and they too fell asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

ABC Owns Them

* * *

**Chapter 13**

Natalie awoke sometime in the morning, she hadn't realized she slept for so long, she was just suppose to sleep for a little while and then take care of Thomas when she looked over next to her on the bed and there they were. John was lying with Thomas on his chest and they were sleeping peacefully. She smiled before she could catch herself, how many times did she picture this in her head, she asked herself, John holding their baby, when she was pregnant it was all she dreamt about, John and their baby, the three of them, she reached her hand over and touched Thomas forehead and she felt he was no longer warm, her hand went up to John's face and lightly touched it. She shook her head and held back a few tears, how it would be so easy to just let him back in to her life, her heart, Heck who was she fooling he never left her heart, it would be so easy to just let him have all of her again but, but she couldn't hurt like that again, she had hurt to much over John Mcbain, he may be the father of her child now but she needed to keep him at that, nothing more, nothing more to her, they would strictly be about Thomas, that is if he was going to stay in town and be a father. She looked at him holding her boy and she knew that at least for Thomas, John Mcbain would stay. He would stay and be a father to his child. Natalie quietly got out of bed and she picked Thomas up out of John's arms and she saw John jump up when he felt him gone. John sat up and looked at her in a confused state.

"It's okay John, lay back down, he's okay, I'm going to put him back to sleep in his crib it's still early" Natalie told him as she saw him lay back down. Natalie went inside and put Thomas in his crib and then went down stairs to start coffee. A few minutes after the coffee was made she saw John walk into the kitchen.

"I couldn't go back to sleep, I think now's a good time to talk about us" John told her as she pointed to the coffee mug and spoon she left out on the counter for him. John fixed himself a cup of coffee and then sat across from her at the table.

"John, if you want to discuss Thomas, we can discuss things but I..We don't have anything else to discuss." Natalie told him as he looked into her eyes.

"Yes, I know we do" John told her, as she didn't feel like getting into this so she nodded her head no

"Natalie, I want you to listen, you asked me last night what I want to do about Thomas, visitation, custody spending time with him, and I want him raised by two parents in a loving home, a home where the parents love each other and trust each other. I want us to raise him together, to be those loving parents for him, for him to be a part of a family." John told her and she kept shaking her head no.

"That's not going to be possible John, it's not going to work out that way" Natalie told him as she sipped her coffee.

"Just listen Natalie, listen, open up your heart and hear me. I know I hurt you, we hurt each other, we've had a few chances at this now and we haven't been able to get it right but this time we will, we have a kid to get it right for, we can put away our fears and insecurities and we can just love each other, love each other like we are suppose to, raise our son and maybe even a few more kids, it's suppose to happen for us Nat, that's the way it's suppose to be." John told her as he continued to look into her blue eyes. He saw them fill up with tears as she spoke.

"I don't believe in that anymore John, I believe in you and me going it alone, at least alone for now, maybe we'll both meet someone else, maybe we'll both be happy with other people and we'll learn to trust love again, but us, no it's not going to play out that way, we took a few shots and it didn't work, I'm not putting myself out there to be hurt again." Natalie said as he got up from his seat to walk closer to her when the phone on the wall rang. Natalie quickly got up and walked around the table the opposite way than he was walking and she answered it.

"Hello" Natalie said answering the phone

"Hi, Hugh, yes I'm fine and so is Thomas, yes that's fine bring his stuff by, I'll see you in a few minutes." Natalie said and got off the phone. The minute John heard it was Hugh a strange feeling ran thru his body, a feeling of Jealousy.

"What did he want?" John said bitterly

"Excuse me?" Natalie asked not liking his tone, John knew he had to control his jealousy there was no room for it here, not here when he was trying to make her see that he would never hurt her again.

"I'm sorry, it didn't come out right. What stuff is he bringing by?" John said changing his attitude

"Thomas' stuff I left at Michael and Marcie's" Natalie told him as she took her cup off the table and started washing it out.

"Natalie, back to what I was saying a few minutes ago," John said watching her wash the cup over and over.

"John I'm not discussing us any longer, you know how I feel about it and that's it, no more" Natalie told him as she faced the sink with her back to him.

"Natalie, Natalie look at me," John said as he guided her to turn around with his hands.

"I'm going to prove it to you, prove to you that you can trust me again and that it's alright to love me, that I won't hurt you, I'm going to be a good father to Thomas, and that we can be a family and rely on each other. I still love you very much Natalie and nothings been able to change how I feel about you in years and nothing ever will" John said as he watched her glassy eye's leak a few tears, John took his thumbs and wiped them away and let his hand linger on her cheek. Natalie was about to protest but she couldn't, not yet anyways, his touch made her feel so good, it brought all of her love for him to the surface, then she heard the door bell ring and she was brought out of her thoughts. She moved quickly out of his reach as she walked to the front door to open it. She opened it and in walked Hugh with Thomas' stuff. John was standing behind them as they talked in the foyer.

"Are you alright? You don't look so good" Hugh asked her as he put the stuff down.

"I'm fine, Thomas just didn't feel so good last night, and he had us up most of the night"

"Us" Hugh questioned

"Yeah, us, his mother and father" John told Hugh as he walked into the foyer to retrieve the stuff Hugh put down on the floor.

"I see" Hugh said as he took Natalie aside to talk privately with her

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked her

"Yeah, I'm fine, you don't need to worry about me" Natalie told him as she gave him a small smile, a smile John watched from the other room. Hugh took his hand and touched Natalie's cheek slightly.

"I can't help it that's what friends do," Hugh said as he let him hand fall from her cheek as she moved slightly. Natalie thanked Hugh for bringing the stuff and then she walked him to the door.

"Are we still on for my mom's and your Uncle's wedding this weekend?" Hugh asked before he walked out of the door. At this point John walked closer as he heard his question.

"Of course we are" Natalie told Hugh and John watched as Hugh kissed her cheek goodbye. Jealousy started to build up inside of him again; he clenched his fists and got red in the face till he saw Natalie turn around.

"John, you probably should be going now, I need to get to the shelter, today's a work day for me," Natalie told him

"Who watches Thomas when you're at the shelter?" John asked

"No one, he comes with me," Natalie told him as she walked past him and into the living room to go thru Thomas stuff.

"What!" John yelled a little louder than he intended to.

"Excuse me?" Natalie questioned

" I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell I was just surprise you take him there with you"

"Why not, why wouldn't I, there's nothing wrong with the place, it's safe and there are other children and even some babies there too."

"Would it be alright with you if maybe I watched him today, I mean so I can get to know him and learn how to take care of him on my own." John asked as he saw Natalie think long and hard about it. She seemed reluctant but told him yes but only if he didn't take him out of the house for his first time watching him. John smiled after he heard her say yes and then Natalie excused herself and went up to get dressed to go.

Natalie left John alone with Thomas in the carriage house, she told him she'd be home around four and she kissed Thomas goodbye, she was feeling a little nervous about leaving them but she knew she was going to have to sometime.

John spent the day fawning all over his son, he took care of him all day, Natalie left him a note with his schedule on it and it wasn't as difficult as he had thought it would be. John thought a lot about things while Thomas was taking his afternoon nap, he thought about Natalie, and as he did he took the engagement ring he had bought her the day he left Llanview out of his pocket, he always held it with him, he never went any where without it, even undercover he had in hidden in his pocket, he thought about what to do and it came to him, he called Michael and asked him to do him a favor, he decided that although she said she couldn't go thru things with him that maybe if he asked her tonight, maybe, just maybe she might say yes, she might stop being so stubborn and say yes.

Natalie arrived home a little passed four. She yelled that she was home when she entered the house and she heard John yell that they were in the kitchen. She walked into the kitchen and was surprised to see the table set. Thomas was sitting in his infant seat on the table.

"What's all this?" Natalie asked as she approached John at the sink

"I just figured you wouldn't feel like cooking after a hard day at work," John told her

"So, you cooked me dinner?" Natalie asked shocked

"I wouldn't say cooked," John said as he placed her plate of food on the table by her seat.

"Burgers and Fries Huh?" she said as she laughed a little, he motioned for her to sit and she did, he also did.

"Now before you get mad Michael picked it up for us" John told her and she gave him a small smile, she leaned into Thomas in his seat on the table.

"Mommy, wasn't going to be mad, now was she Thomas" Natalie said as she looked up from Thomas and into his blue eye's. She again smiled at him, John smiled back and thought maybe it was a good time; she seemed to be in a good mood, things were going well. He decided to wait till after she finished her burger. John and Nat talked and joked the whole time during dinner, as if no time had passed for them, as if nothing had happened, nothing except Thomas. Natalie was about to clean up the dishes when John told her not to, to sit down for a few minutes.

"The dishes can wait, Thomas has something for you" he told her and she got a weird look on her face.

"He does?" she said with a smirk

"Yeah, he wanted me to give this to you, he says it's very important to him" John told her as he handed her a small black velvet box. Natalie took a look at the box and she froze for a minute. What could it be she wondered and why would he be saying it was from Thomas. Natalie opened it and she was speechless, it was by far the most beautiful ring she had ever seen. Then she turned to John.

"Natalie, lets put everything but our Love and Thomas away in the past, Marry me" John told her and he never saw it coming, the slap across his face. Natalie slapped him and put the ring on the table.

"You're some piece of work Mcbain. Some fucking piece of work" Natalie said as she took Thomas from his seat and carried him into the living room, and up the stairs. Natalie stayed upstairs with Thomas rocking him in the rocker. She had tears in her eyes. Now he asks her, now, now that they have a son, was he only going to ask her to make a family for Thomas? Was he crazy? She should marry him now, now after he left and only came back because he thought something was wrong. She looked up when she felt his presence; she had tears in her eyes. John walked over to her in the rocker and he kneeled down in front of her.

"I don't understand what I did wrong, Natalie tell me what I can do to make it better, so we can be together again" John asked her


	14. Chapter 14

ABC Owns Them

* * *

**Chapter 14**

"You don't know what you did wrong? Did you honestly think it was going to be so easy, just ask me and I should just forget? How did you get that ring so fast anyways, did Michael drop it off with the food?" she asked him bitterly

"Is that what this is about? You think Michael bought the ring, and I bet you think I only asked you because of Thomas too, am I right? Yes, I know you, I'm right, that's what you think" John told her as she got a stubborn look on her face.

"Natalie, I've had this ring since before I left Llanview, since before I was a jerk and left you, you can ask Michael if you don't believe me, I was going to ask you back then."

" You know what it doesn't matter, none of this matters, we had our shot and it's over, we can't be anything more than Thomas' parents, I don't think I can handle anything more than that" Natalie said softly as she continued to rock Thomas to sleep.

"Natalie," John said, as she shook her head no. John saw her stubbornness, the stubbornness that he knew all to well when he decided that he would have to make her see things differently in time, it would take time, as much as he had hoped she would just come to her senses tonight when she saw the ring he knew he wouldn't give up but that they just needed time to rebuild the trust.

"Can we at least try and be friends?" John asked her.

"I don't know John, you said we were never really friends once didn't you" Natalie told him throwing his words from so long ago back in his face.

"We can try Natalie, please can't we at least try, for Thomas' sake" John told her as he noticed Thomas was almost asleep in Natalie's arms. He stood up by her and he leaned down and kissed Thomas' forehead. He looked up into her eyes.

"Lets just try for him, alright?" John asked softly and he saw her eyes get teary, she nodded her head yes, John walked out of the room and left the carriage house.

As soon as Natalie heard the front door close she couldn't hold the tears in any longer, they started to flow, her tears started to run down her face and onto Thomas as she held her son close to her heart. Although he was asleep she continued to rock him as she cried silently for what seemed like hours.

John walked into the only available room at the angel square hotel, it was on the fifth floor, it was the room Natalie had stayed in for a few days before she moved in with him, he laid down on the bed already missing them, Natalie and Thomas, how? He asked himself, he had only known about his son for a little over a day, how did he miss not being with him already, and Natalie, well he had missed Natalie the second he left town seven months ago. he had really made a mess of things didn't he? He thought, it was going to take a lot of hard work and patience to try and win her back, try and get her to open up to him, to trust him again. He knew he could do, he had done it before. John thought a little bit more and then he looked at the time, it wasn't to late, he picked up his phone and called someone he knew could help him, someone who cared so very much about him and someone who was also fond of Natalie, and he knew she would love to know that she was a grandmother.

"Hey, Mom it's me" John told Eve on the phone

"Johnny is everything alright?" Eve asked concerned

"Yeah, I...I just wanted ...I have really good news, I have a son...Natalie and I have a son," John told Eve and Eve was quiet for a few minutes.

"Mom, Mom did you hear me?" John asked when he heard her silence

"I heard you Johnny and I know about Thomas"

"What?" John questioned

"Natalie's brought him to see me a few times, don't be mad son but we tried to get in touch with you to tell you but you never returned our messages."

"She brought him to see you, why?" John asked confused

"Because she knew it would be important to you, for me to know, he's beautiful John, just beautiful, does this mean things are patched up with the two of you?" Eve asked John and then she heard him hesitate before answering

"No, Natalie and I are far from patched up, as a matter of fact I think we may be in need of more repair than we have ever been" John answered sadly

"Well you do know that's no one's fault but your own right?" Eve told him

"Thanks mom, yes I do know that" John told her sarcastically

"Well what are you going to do about it?" Eve asked him

"I have to be patient, that's all I can be right now is be patient"

"cut the crap John, you need to figure out a way to get her to trust you again"

"Okay, how do I do that?" John asked

"I'm not sure, just be there for her Johnny, what ever she needs, help her with Thomas, you know, I know all to well what it's like to raise children alone, it's a lonely thing sometimes" Eve said reminding him of the loneliness she felt raising him and Michael

"Well the thing is she's far from lonely thanks to a certain DA" John again spoke with sarcasm

"Don't worry Johnny, she'll find her way back Home to you as you found yours back to her." Eve told John and then they spoke for a few more minutes and they said goodnight. John laid his head back down on the pillow to sleep, to sleep and dream of a life with Natalie and his son.

The next day came fast and it was Natalie day off, she took Thomas for a walk in the park when she decided it was around lunch time and she was hungry, they walked over to Rodi's for a burger. She waved hello to Mac as she and Thomas entered the place, Mac came over and talked with her for a few minutes, they were in the middle of talking when Mac saw John walk in.

"Hey John I didn't know you were back in town" Mac said to John as John walked over towards them at a back table.

"Yup, I'm back" John told him as he looked at Natalie and Thomas sitting at the table.

One of the waitresses came over to tell Mac he was needed in the back when he excused himself, he said goodbye to Nat and Thomas, then turned to John.

"Congratulations John, he's a cute kid" Mac told him as he walked away, john had a confused look on his face as he turned a chair backwards and straddled it.

"Does the whole town know I'm Thomas' father?" John asked Natalie

"Yes, why? Do you have a problem with that?" Natalie asked

"I'm just surprised that's all " John responded looking over to Thomas briefly and smiling at his happy face.

"John, everyone knew we were together, once I gave him your last name they didn't have to be a rocket scientist to figure it out, I figured it better to just tell them." Natalie told him as he looked away from Thomas and at her meeting her eye's.

"I see your point, hey are ya up for a game of pool?" John asked as he continued to look into her blue eyes.

"No, I don't think so and we have Thomas here, we couldn't just leave him alone now could we" Natalie told him as she saw John looking around the bar. John saw Marcie walk in the bar and he smiled, he put one finger up to Natalie and then he went over to Marcie. Marcie and John both walked over after a few minutes.

"Hey Marcie, what's going on John?" Natalie asked

"Well Marcie here said she would love to keep Thomas company while she waits for Michael. So see we can play a few games of pool." John answered in an optimist tone.

"I ... I don't think so John, I.. really" Natalie again tried to tell him no.

"Come on Nat, one game, what is it going to hurt? Please? I bet Thomas wants to see his old man beat your butt in pool." John told her smiling

"Alright your on but I doubt you'll win, you never win" Natalie replied wit ha cocky tone

"That's true but I've been practicing" he said as they walked over to the pool table to play a game, Marcie watched Thomas in his seat.

"You know I'm...I'm...sorry I.. I'm really sorry about putting pressure on you last night" John told her as she leaned in to take her shot.

"Lets just forget things and just think about what's best for Thomas, agreed?"

Natalie told him as she took her shot and sank one of her balls.

"Agreed," John said as he shook her hand that she extended out for him to shake.

One game quickly turned to three when Natalie kept checking over to Thomas who had fallen asleep, Michael had arrived to meet Marcie and they both just watched as Nat and John continued to play pool and have a great time.


	15. Chapter 15

ABC Owns Them

* * *

**Chapter 15**

"Hey guys," Michael said as he approached John and Nat at the pool table.

"Michael, is he alright?" Natalie said as she glanced over to see that Thomas was still asleep.

"He's perfect Nat, Marcie and I were just wondering if it would be alright with you if we...took him home with us, you know maybe kept him for the night" Michael asked quietly knowing Natalie didn't like to be away from Thomas

"I don't think so Michael not tonight, I...I miss him to much" Natalie told Michael trying to let him down easy, she knew it was important to Michael and Marcie that they get adjusted to having a baby around since Marcie was pregnant.

" Come on Nat, Marcie really needs the practice at taking care of a baby, please? You could finish playing pool and maybe stay up late, have a little time to yourself." Michael pleaded with her as he looked over to John and winked at him. John looked at Michael and wondered what that was all about.

"Alright, but I'm picking him up at eight, wait I don't have too many bottles with me" Natalie told Michael

"That's alright I'll stop at the pharmacy on the way home and we'll get some" Michael told her and she shook her head still a little unsure. John walked over to her as she was starting to walk over to Marcie to say goodbye to Thomas.

"It's okay, this isn't a bad thing, you could use a break" John told Nat

"I know, I know but I can't stand to be away from him, the other day when you watched him while I was at the shelter it almost killed me, that was the longest I had ever been away from him" Natalie said as she went over and kissed Thomas goodbye, she have Marcie all the instructions and told her to call at anytime if there was a problem. John also went over and said goodbye to Thomas, then he and Nat watched as they all left Rodi's.

"So what do you want to do?" John asked Natalie

"What?" Nat turned to face John as she questioned him

"Do you want to finish playing pool or maybe go for a walk, it's only four in the afternoon, we've got all night" John told her as he saw Nat's expression on her face change a bit.

"I'm sorry, did I give you the impression that I would be spending my alone time with you?" Natalie told him harsh

"There's no reason to be mean, if you don't want to spend anymore time playing pool with me you just have to say so." John said as Natalie realized she wasn't being fair

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out that way, are you up for another beating?" Natalie asked as she smiled. John smiled back and made a mental note to thank Michael and Marcie tomorrow.

Natalie and John continued to play pool for most of the night, it was somewhere around ten o'clock when they both realized the time, they had a great night, they forgot about all the stuff hanging over them and it was almost like old times, Natalie couldn't remember laughing as much as she did tonight, it felt comfortable, it felt right.

"I have to go home it' s pretty late," Natalie told John as she put her stick on the wall.

"It's ten, that's not late, one more game?"

"No, it's late for me, I don't stay up so late anymore, not since Thomas came along," Natalie told him and she walked towards the door.

"Wait, Thanks for the games of pool, let me walk you to your car" John told her as he ran after her. Just as Natalie was about to get in her car in started raining very heavily. Nat got in her car and noticed he started to walk towards the hotel.

"Hey, you walked here today?" Natalie asked John and he told her yes.

"Get in I'll drive you" Natalie told him and he didn't waist anytime getting in. once at the hotel John didn't leave the car when she parked in front. He turned his head and looked at her. She looked back at him meeting his eyes.

"If I asked, would you be mad at me, I mean do you think maybe you would want to come in, for just a minute?" he asked softly almost afraid of her answer.

"I ... I.. I guess I could, I guess it wouldn't hurt anything" Natalie said and then both of them got out of the car into the pouring rain. Natalie walked into the hotel first, soaked, Roxy was at the counter and saw her. Roxy didn't notice John.

"Hey baby, did ya come to pay me my rent for the month?" Roxy asked her and Natalie shoed Roxy not to open up her big mouth in front of John. John heard Roxy's words and he was confused but decided not to say anything right now.

"Nice to see ya Roxy" John said

"Yeah, same back at ya Johnny" Roxy said and she excused herself.

"Want to go up to the roof and have a beer?" John asked and he saw the undecided look on Nat's face.

"It's pouring rain out John" Natalie told him

"We can stand under the awning and watch the rain" John answered her

"Come on, it's just one beer and it's not that cold out" John said and he pulled on her arm towards the stairs.

John and Nat walked up the stairs and were almost at the roof when Natalie stopped walking, she stood still on the next to last step. John noticed she stopped and he turned and looked at her. He met her eyes and he knew she wasn't ready for this yet.

"I've gotta go. I...I...It's to soon for me to be up here with you" Natalie told him and she walked back down the stairs, John followed her down. He watched her stop briefly to speak with Roxy and then she left. John was heading back up to his room when Roxy called for him.

"Hey, Johnny, your old room it's available again, if you want it" Roxy told John and John was a little confused by it.

"All of a sudden now it's available?" John questioned her

"Yeah, do ya want it or what?" Roxy told him

"Why is it all of a sudden available?" he asked her knowing there was more to the story

"Well, don't tell her I told ya but Natty said to let you have it back" Roxy told John

"What? Why did Natalie tell you not to let me have it?" John asked

"She's been renting it from me since you left, she wasn't staying in it but she said she knew how much you loved that room, hell I'm sure she was keeping it to cause she loved it too. I think she kept it for the two of you for when you came back" Roxy told John as John wasn't quite sure how to make sense of all this.

"Do ya want it or what?" Roxy again asked

"Yeah, I want it" John answered as he made his way up to it, he opened the door and it was exactly how he left it seven months ago. Exactly the same except she wasn't here, she was gone and all her stuff was too. He sat on the couch and tried to figure things out. First she went and named Thomas after his dad and she even gave him the last name Mcbain, then she didn't keep it a secret about John being Thomas' dad, she took Thomas to see Eve a few times cause she knew it would be important to John and then she even paid Roxy not to rent their room, their home. He shook his head realizing they weren't in need of as much repair as he had originally thought. A small smile formed on his face and he thought that she was still so very much in love with him but she just didn't want to admit it. He laid his head on a couch pillow and closed his eye's thinking about what to do next, next to get her to trust him again, because he definitely after tonight knew this wasn't about her not still Loving him.

Natalie drove home in the pouring rain; she thought about what she almost did tonight, she almost went up on the roof with him tonight, the roof where they made love for the first time ever. She knew if she went up there with him she wouldn't have been able to walk away, to be strong, she was having such a hard time trying not to feel for him right now, she never denied no longer being in love wit him but she couldn't give herself to him again if she didn't trust him, trust that he wouldn't leave if things got to difficult or if he was scared. Natalie arrived back at the Carriage house and she parked the car and went in, in to a silent house, a silent place that she had tried so hard to make home since she left their room at the hotel. But it seemed no matter how hard she tried this place didn't feel like home to her, of course it felt better when Thomas was here with her, but it still didn't feel warm or like home.


	16. Chapter 16

ABC Owns Them

* * *

**Chapter** **16**

The next few days went by fast, John had called and told Natalie that he was working for Bo again at the station and he had only a few hours over the past days to spent with Her and Thomas. Bo and Paige were getting married later today and she was pretty sure that was why John had been working so much and couldn't see them much. She thought about if she missed him and she wasn't quite sure why but she did. She thought it was strange cause he had only been back about a week and she seem to miss him more now than she did when she hadn't seen him in months. She was just getting ready to go upstairs and get dressed while Thomas was taking his nap when her doorbell rang. She looked to see Eve standing at it.

"Eve, what are you doing here?" Natalie asked as she opened the door for her

"Hello my dear, I'm here to see my grandson of course" Eve replied as she walked into the house

"Oh, I'm sorry I wish I knew you were coming, I have a wedding to go to in a little while, and Thomas is taking a nap" Natalie told her as she followed Eve into the living room

"I was hoping you would have a few minutes to sit and have a chat with me?" Eve told her as she sat on the couch

"I have a few but I think I know what you want to talk about, and I'm not up for talking about John" Natalie told her as she too sat.

"Natalie honey, I just want to tell you a few things when it comes to John. Please? " Eve told her and Natalie nodded knowing she wasn't getting out of this

"My son is complicated and you know that. I also know that you know him probably better than I do. Loving someone doesn't come easy for John, it never did, it's not like he's loved a lot of people in his life."

"What are you trying to say Eve, just say it" Natalie told her nicely not wanting to beat around the bush

"When he loves someone it doesn't change, it doesn't go away, whether he's with that person or not, whether he's smart about it or clueless, he is capable of so much love and I guess I just wanted to make you a aware that I doubt he'll ever love anyone ever again after loving you" Eve told her softly

"Eve the point, I really need to get dressed," Natalie again told her nicely while she was getting a little impatient

"Natalie the point is he loves you and the both of us know it's forever, it won't change, and we both also know that you love him the same."

"Eve, Loving John isn't the problem" Natalie told her standing up getting ready to end this conversation about John.

"I know Natalie, I know but...well I say this with very much respect and I care about you a lot, but.. You really are being a stubborn twit!" Eve told her and Natalie was taken back a bit, she smiled a little when she heard Eve's words and then they both heard Thomas wake from his nap.

"I'll get him, why don't you get ready?" Eve told her as she saw Natalie start to walk towards the stairs to go get him.

" I don't know who is watching him while you're at the wedding if you'd like me to stay," Eve asked as she approached her near the stairs

"I was going to take him with me"

"Oh, no. you need a little time to yourself, I'll stay and watch him, as a matter of fact I'll even spend the night, stay out as long as you want to, all night if you want." Eve told her inviting herself to stay with her grandson

"Alright, Thank you but I doubt it'll be all night, you can stay in the extra bedroom if you'd like"

Natalie ran upstairs to get dressed, she was now running late when she heard the doorbell ring, she knew it was Hugh and she came running down the stairs with her heels in her hands. She noticed that Eve answered the door and she saw Hugh walk in. she watched their conversation as she saw Eve introduce herself to Hugh.

"I'm sorry Hugh I'm running a few minutes late, just give me five more and I'll be ready" Natalie said as she ran upstairs to grab her earrings. While Natalie was upstairs Eve had a few words for Hugh.

"So are you and Natalie seeing each other?" Eve asked Hugh as she sized him up.

"We're just friends, good friends" Hugh told her

"I see than it's important to you that she be happy?"

"Yes, I'd love to see Natalie happy" Hugh told her starting to realize where she was going with her questioning

"Good than we're all on the same page" Eve informed him

"What page might that be?" Hugh asked

"The page that says Natalie and John will get back together and raise my grandson " Eve told him matter-of-factly

"Oh, I see" Hugh said as Natalie ran down completely ready this time.

"I'm ready to go" Nat said as she kissed Thomas goodbye and told Eve where everything was including her cell phone number.

Natalie and Hugh walked into the church and were greeted by Mathew.

"Hey, Nat isn't it great, after today Hugh will be part of the family," Mathew said excited and Natalie nodded her head.

The ceremony was about to begin and Hugh had to go walk Paige his mother down the aisle, Natalie was unsure of what side of the church to sit on, she was Bo's family but she was sort of Hugh's date for this thing, she decided to sit on her uncle's side right behind Jessica and Antonio. She took a seat and never saw John as he came around from the other side of the pew. He took a seat a few feet away from her as he watched her look towards the back of the church as Paige began to walk down the aisle.

Paige was down the aisle and Hugh took his seat on his mom's side and looked over to Natalie and smiled, she returned the smile and faced forward as she heard the priest speak. She watched the ceremony as she thought about what it might have been like to be the one walking down the aisle, walking down to marry John this time, she could remember some of what it felt like to walk down and marry Cris but it didn't do anything for her, when she thought about John waiting at the end of the aisle to marry her she felt warm, warm and content. She didn't know why but she turned to her side and she saw him there, he saw her turn and he looked at her meeting her eyes. They never broke eye contact; the two of them stared at each other thru the whole ceremony, as if talking with their eyes. The ceremony ended an Hugh walked over to Natalie as he noticed during the ceremony she and John had locked eyes and never looked away from each other.

"Hey" Hugh said as he approached and brought her out of her gaze.

"Hey, beautiful ceremony wasn't it?" Natalie said covering the fact that she hadn't even watched the ceremony. Hugh asked if she was ready to go to the Palace for the reception and she got up out of the pew, she briefly looked back at John and then Hugh took her hand and guided her out of the church.

At the Palace Hugh had asked Natalie to dance a slow dance and Natalie had declined at first.

"The least you could do is give me one dance before you break my heart completely" Hugh told Natalie as he looked at her

"What?" Natalie asked confused by his comment

"Natalie, you know I've been holding on to something with you, something that maybe you and I could become more than friends, one day when you were ready and were finally over Mcbain, but I guess I knew all along that it wasn't going to happen and today in the church, I can't keep fooling myself any longer." Hugh told her as she thought she saw his eye's get glassy

"Hugh, I told you" Natalie said starting to feel bad

"I know what you told me but sometimes what people say and what the heart finds a way of doing are two different things. One dance?" Hugh said and Natalie smiled a small smile and put out her hand, he led her to the dance floor and held her close, close knowing it was time for him to be completely out of the picture here. John was standing across the room when he saw Hugh lead her to the dance floor, he watched as Hugh held her close and he did all he could not to go over and punch the guy. Hugh seem to have her body so close to his that it seemed inappropriate, he moved a little closer as the song stopped, he walked up to them as they parted and looked into each others eyes. A look of Goodbye but John was unaware of it being anything more than a desired look. Natalie turned her head to see John standing near her as the music again started, it was a beautiful slow song that she loved, John looked at Hugh as he left the dance floor, Hugh turned to John before he walked completely away.

"You know you don't deserve her," Hugh told John. John without words took Natalie's hand and brought her close to him and they danced slowly to the song playing, they stared into each other's eyes, never wavering.

The song ended and without words John took Natalie's hand and guided her out of the Palace, never looking back just looking forward they drove in John's car to the hotel, up to his room, their room. John opened the door and Natalie went in, a feeling of peace came upon her, she walked over to him slowly over by the closed door and she stared into his eyes as he brought his hand to her face, she placed her hand on top of his and she leaned in for a soft kiss. The soft kiss quickly turned into a hard deep one with John's hands finding her hair and knotting themselves into it. He slowly pushed her backwards into the other room towards the bed, he pushed them both down on it as he continued to take her lips for his own.

John laid on top of Natalie as she arched her back up for him to find the back zipper of her dress, John's hand found the zipper and slowly unzipped it pushing his hand underneath the fabric as the other hand pulled the front of it off of her revealing her breasts and already perked nipples. John moved slightly and pulled the rest of her dress down of her, after riding her of the dress he brought his body back up her and his fingers went to the waist ban of her pantyhose and he pulled them slowly down her removing them and realizing she wasn't wearing any panties underneath, he watched her as she looked at him, there was tears in her eyes and he again moved his body back up on her, he brought his hand to her face.

"Are you alright? Are you sure?" John asked her, he barely got the words out when she leaned up and kissed him deeply. John wasted no time taking what she was offering when his hands went to her breasts as he felt hers on the buttons of his shirt, she unbuttoned his shirt and her hand went lower on his body to his penis, she felt him up and down thru his pants when she pulled at them, she tried to get the zipper undone but she couldn't get it, John felt her getting impatient at not being able to undo his pants and he stopped kissing her neck, he removed his hands from her breasts and he unhooked his dress pants and unzipped them. He pushed them off of him along with his briefs; he was impatient to get back to Natalie's breasts as he left his unbuttoned shirt on his shoulders. Natalie's hand wrapped itself around John's penis as John's mouth decided to feast on her left breast, he suckled it and then his tongue found her nipple, over and over his tongue teased Nat's left nipple till it moved it's actions over to the right one. One of John's hands slowly found it's way to her core. John felt Natalie's grip on his penis tighten as he inserted a finger into her core.

Natalie let out a small moan as John drove one then two fingers inside her, she pulled on his arms and he looked at her, he knew by her look without any words what she wanted, what she needed, he pulled himself up on her more and he inserted himself into her, she automatically wrapped her legs around him, they stood perfectly still for a few seconds enjoying the sensation of their togetherness when John felt Natalie's walls start to tighten around him, he saw her adjust her hips by bringing them up and down on his penis and he slowly started to move himself inside her, very slowly at first, just pushing himself in to her core a little and then as he felt her quicken her pace he did too, he pushed his whole self into her as deep as possible, as close to being joined as they could possibly be, he looked into her eyes and he leaned down, he took her mouth urgently as they together went over the edge. Natalie screamed out his name as she reached her peak and continued to hum it as she came down from it.

John leaned into her ear as he removed himself from her and he whispered that he loved her. He rolled onto the bed next to her, their bed and held her till they both were fast asleep.

Somewhere around four in the morning John felt empty, his grip was empty. He woke to find she wasn't there, he looked around the room but she was gone and so was her clothes.


	17. Chapter 17

ABC Owns Them

* * *

**Chapter 17**

John jumped out of bed when he saw her clothes gone. He put his clothes on and he started to walk out of the room. He couldn't believe that she would just leave like that, leave after they made love and not say a word to him, he shook his head thinking maybe she thought it was a mistake, but how could she? How could she think them making love last night was a mistake, it was incredible, amazing, by far what he had felt last night was something he had never felt before, as if it was new, maybe not brand new, but a new turning point to them. He still wasn't sure if he should go to the house to find her and talk things out, find out why she left but he did, he needed to. As hurt as he was feeling right now, he knew he had no right, no right to be this hurt. John knocked lightly on the door of the cottage, it was still early morning and he knew Thomas would still be asleep. No one answered and he turned to leave when he saw Eve come to the door.

"Johnny"

"Sorry mom, I didn't mean to wake you. Is Natalie here?"

"John, she's not here, I thought maybe she was with you"

"She was but she left, I...I.. Are you sure she isn't home" John asked as he went in the house with Eve.

"I'll go look for her upstairs" Eve went upstairs to look when she came back down she saw John looking at a note on the table in the foyer.

"She was here, she went for a run," John told Eve and then he handed her the note Natalie left.

"Is Thomas okay, was he okay for you last night?"

"Good I'm glad, I've gotta go."

"Johnny, is everything alright, I mean.. it isn't any worse is it?"

"I don't know mom, I just don't have a clue."

Natalie ran thru the park, she had been running for almost an hour now and she just didn't want to stop, she was a bit out of shape since her pregnancy with Thomas and she decided to take a rest by the statue to try and get up enough energy to head back home. She sat on a bench she sat so many times before and thought about what she did last night, what she and John did last night. They made love, it was incredible, it was sweet, and tender and even electrifying all wrapped up in one. She smiled a sad smile as she thought about it, she shouldn't have let it happen, she was at a weak point and they were at the wedding, it was almost like she couldn't deny herself her feelings for him last night and she just went with them, she shouldn't have done it she told herself for she knew how much harder things would be now on them, on all three of them, Natalie would have to keep her distance more now to make sure it didn't happen again. Her heart just couldn't go down that road with John Mcbain again. She looked away from the statue for a minute and she saw him standing near her silently. She looked at him and then away as he approached her.

"Why can't you look at me?" John asked her as he saw her sadden look.

"I..I can look at you," she said looking at him with teary eyes.

"I came to find you to find out why you left last night without telling me and I guess by the look on your face I already know the answer."

"You thought it was a mistake, you didn't mean for it to happen and now you regret it don't you?"

"John... I.. I"

"Don't say it Natalie, just don't say it" John said as he walked away. Natalie put her face in her hands and stayed like that for a few minutes. She tried to gather herself, regain her strength and her pride. She questioned herself, was she making a mistake by pushing him away, by not being able to trust him again, by not even giving him the chance to earn it back. She started to allow the tears that were building up in her eye's to flow. She sat on the bench still continuing to cry when she figured she should go back home, home she thought and she let out a few more tears, the carriage house wasn't home, their room at the hotel, that was home, he was her home, she only felt at home with him. Damn it Mcbain! She cursed him, they were supposed to grow old together and have more children. She shook her head not knowing how to get over this, the trust issue with him, she wanted to, she knew she wanted to but she just didn't know how to. She started walking back to the carriage house; she was to emotionally distraught to run any more.

"Natalie are you alright?" Eve asked Natalie as she came into the house

"I'm fine, how is Thomas?"

"He's fine, he's up in his room in his crib watching his mobile"

"Thanks, I need to see him right now, excuse me"

"Natalie did John find you? He was here looking for you"

"Yes, he found me thank you" Natalie told her as she walked up the stairs to Thomas' room, she took him out of the crib and started to rock him in the rocking chair. She hadn't even realized she had the baby monitor on, and Eve could hear everything she told Thomas over it. Eve was listening to Natalie cry and rock Thomas when the doorbell rang, she answered it and it was John.

"Hey mom" John said in a somber tone

"Johnny what's going on?"

"Is Natalie around?"

"She's upstairs with Thomas, but John I don't think now is such a great time to go up and see them, she's...well she's.. pretty messed up right now"

"Well I'm pretty freakin messed up myself right now" John told her as he started to go up the stairs, he walked by Thomas' door and heard her crying, he stated back so she couldn't see him and he listened to her words to their son.

"What the hell is wrong with me? I just keep screwing up, making mistake after mistake." Natalie told Thomas, John heard her words and he knew she was talking about their lovemaking, he walked away and back down the stairs, he quickly said goodbye to his mom and he left the carriage house.


	18. Chapter 18

ABC Owns Them

* * *

**Chapter 18**

That night Eve had left Natalie and Thomas and went back to AC, Natalie thanked her and promised to bring Thomas by real soon for a visit. Natalie was just cleaning up the house a bit when the phone rang, she answered it and at first no one spoke.

"Hello" Natalie answered the phone

"Hello" Natalie again said into the silent phone

"Hey it's John, I called to see if we can make out some sort of Visitation schedule for me to see Thomas, maybe when you are at the shelter or something, so it doesn't interfere with your time with him." John asked her coldly and distant. Natalie knew why he acted the way he did and she thought maybe this would be a good thing, maybe now they could just be about Thomas and what was best for him. John and Nat spoke only about when John could see Thomas and they hung up the phone.

A month had gone by when John and Natalie had barely said two words to each other, two words about anything other than Thomas that was, John made arrangements to spend time with his son when Natalie was at the shelter for three to four nights last week and he was suppose to see him tonight but he was on a big case at the station, so he couldn't just leave the case. Natalie took Thomas with her to the safe haven. She had him in his playpen in her office while she did some paper work, she looked down on his happy face and she smiled at him, he was looking more and more like John everyday. He had his color hair and his face. She had wondered if John was happy as a baby, cause Thomas always seemed happy and John, well John was brooding, but not all the time, she remembered a fun side to John, a side not to many people got the privilege to see, she shook her head thinking about how messed up things were for them, the three of them. She heard a noise come from the hall and she looked up to see a little girl staring at her, she must have been about four and the little girl looked confused. She didn't recognize the girl and figured she was new to the shelter; Natalie had been off for the last few days, that was probably why she didn't know her.

"Hi, and what's your name?" Natalie asked the girl but the girl didn't answer, she just looked away.

"I won't hurt you why don't you come in and tell me your name, My name is Natalie and that's Thomas" Nat said as the girl took Nat's hand that was extended out to her and she walked in Nat's office.

"You do know your safe here right? No one's going to hurt you" Natalie told her and the girl nodded. After a few more minutes of trying to get the girls name Natalie heard a woman's voice calling out for a little girl.

"I think she's in here with me" Natalie called out softly to the woman she heard in the hall, the woman entered Natalie's office and saw her daughter.

"Hi, I'm Natalie, I don't think we've met" Natalie told the woman

"Hi, I'm Sandi and this is my daughter Tara"

"It's nice to meet both of you" Nat told her and the woman smiled, Natalie noticed that the woman's bruises on her arms and one on her face looked pretty fresh.

"I haven't been here in a few days and everything seems to be a mess. " Natalie told them trying to break the ice and see if Sandi would open up a bit.

"Yeah, things seem a little unorganized here last night, was that because you weren't on?" Sandi told Natalie

"Probably, although everyone is great, I have my own way of doing things, I'm a bit stubborn when it comes to the way this place runs and I don't always like change" Natalie told her as she took a seat in there chair and motioned for Sandi to also sit

"Is that your boy?" the woman asked as she looked around the office.

"Yep, That's Thomas" Natalie told her looking at Thomas is the playpen

"How old is he?" Sandi asked Nat

"Almost four months today" Natalie told her smiling towards Thomas when she said her words

"He's a cutie, he doesn't look much like you I guess he looks like his dad," Sandi told her and Natalie got teary eyed thinking again about him looking so much like John.

"I'm sorry, did I say something wrong"

"No, No, it's just his father and I aren't together any longer" Natalie told her trying not to be upset

"I see, did he.. did he hit you?" Sandi asked her quietly

"No, no he didn't, he's not like that"

"But you have been before haven't you?" Sandi said and Natalie shook her head yes.

"So if you don't mind me asking how come you're not with your kids father?"

"It's a long story, it's a trust thing" Natalie told Sandi and she looked away from her for a moment and looked again at Thomas.

"Well you obviously still Love him, did he fool around on you?

"No, that's not what it's about, I'm.. I'm just not with him, I can't be" Natalie said getting a little upset talking about John

"How come, does he not still Love you?"

"No, that's not it" Natalie said again trying very hard not to show how upset she was getting with all of Sandi's questions

"I don't understand if you love him and he loves you, he doesn't beat you, he doesn't fool around, is there something else wrong with him?"

"No, John's a great guy" Natalie answered her softly as her eyes teared up again

"So what's the problem, I mean look at me, I'm twenty two and I have a four year old with a man that beats me, do you know what I would give to have a good man, a great man, one that loves me and doesn't hurt me" Sandi told her and they heard Thomas cry out.

Natalie nicely excused herself as she took Thomas into the kitchen for a bottle. She thought about what Sandi had said about giving anything for a great guy, a great guy like John, she thought about all that he had done for her over the years, all that he had forgiven her, for the person that he was, she even let herself think about when he left and why he left, it wasn't that he didn't love her and she knew that. She looked at Thomas and she smiled, maybe she should just forgive him and move one, they could move on together, she didn't want to make anymore mistakes and not forgiving John would be a huge mistake, she was lucky to have someone like him, she remembered Kyle and what it was like to be with him, she was so lucky, lucky to be in Love with a man like John Mcbain. She finished giving Thomas his bottle and she closed up her office, things were quiet so she took Thomas and she decided she had to see him, see him right away, tell him, and tell him she was a stubborn fool.

Natalie drove to the police station to see him, it was late maybe about one am, but she knew he would more than likely be there doing paperwork. When she entered the station she looked around for him but the place seem to be in frenzy, she walked over to one of the officers she knew and asked him what was going on.

"Hey Davis, what's up?" Natalie asked officer Davis as she walked over by John's office

"Natalie, what are you doing here? I thought you would have been at the hospital by now" Davis asked her as he was confused by her presence

"What? Why would you think I'd be at the hospital?" Natalie asked getting an uneasy feeling about her

"You don't know do you?" Davis asked

"Davis your scaring me now, know what?"

"It's...It's.." officer Davis tried to say something when Natalie cut his words off.

"John" Natalie said as the uneasy feeling she was having turned into an unraveling of one. She ran out of the station and over to the hospital with Thomas in her arms.


	19. Chapter 19

ABC Owns Them

* * *

**Chapter 19**

Natalie ran with Thomas on her shoulder four blocks down to the Hospital, she felt like she couldn't breathe and she held on tight to Thomas, she ran up to the nurses station.

"Excuse, Excuse me I need to know where Lt. John Mcbain is" Natalie asked the nurse and didn't answer her.

"Are you family?" the nurse asked

"No, we're not family, well yes, I...I don't know sort of... I guess we are, we share a child," Natalie told her all confused and not being able to focus.

"Ms, you are or you aren't" Nurse asked impatiently

"I am! Where is he!" Natalie screamed at the nurse when she gave her the room number. Natalie and Thomas ran down the hall to the room. She didn't notice anyone around, not Michael, not Bo, no family, not anyone. she looked inside the window next to the door to his room and she saw him, he looked pale and he was unconscious, he only had a few machines hooked up to him, nothing major but he was asleep, a coma she thought and she quietly took Thomas and they went into his room. She sat in the chair next to his bed, just staring at him, cursing herself for being such a jerk, for not forgiving him sooner, for being her same stubborn self. Her eye's got teary, a few tears fell from her eye's and she heard someone clear their throat. She looked back to see Michael standing behind her.

"Michael please tell me it's not that bad, Michael please, tell me he's going to be alright, I...I.. was so stupid, and I...I...I can't live without him" Natalie pleaded with Michael, Michael got a strange look on his face and was about to talk when his pager went off.

"Natalie, I've got to take this I'll be back in a few minutes," Michael told her and he left the room.

Natalie turned her focus back on John, she took his hand in hers and she sat with Thomas falling asleep on her shoulder, she started to talk out loud to him.

"you can't do this to me you now, not now, not tonight when I realized that I was being pig headed and stubborn. you have to be alright, I meant what I told Michael, I can't live without you any longer John, I need you and so does Thomas." Natalie said as she took a breather for a minute when a nurse came into the room.

"Ms. Buchanan, DR Mcbain said if you'd like I can watch over your son in the nurses lounge while he sleeps, there's a crib in there." the nurse asked as she looked at Natalie

"I..I..I don't know" Natalie said as Michael poked his head into the room

"Natalie, let her, I think you need this time to be alone with John" Michael told her and Natalie got even more worried. She shook her head that it was okay and the nurse took a sleeping Thomas with her to the nurse's lounge. Michael left the room leaving them alone. Natalie turned back to John and again held his hand; she brought it to her lips and kissed it.

" I won't let you, You know, you can't just leave me again, I won't allow it, you've got stuff to prove to me remember, stuff so I can trust you again and I'm not letting you get out of it, you hear me, you're not getting out of it!" Natalie said feeling frustrated, she moved the chair even closer and she leaned her body into the bed, she leaned her mouth close to his ear.

"I love you John, damn it, I've always loved you, you jerk, so wake up so we can have of future, wake up so we can have a few more kids, wake up so you can take me home, if nothing else wake up me , for Thomas, for us." Natalie said as she leaned her head down on his chest while she still held on to his hand.

"John, the night we made love, the last time we made love, it was.. it was different" Natalie said softly trying to find the right words to say to him.

"So, you better wake up Mcbain cause I'm ready and I want you to Marry Me! Got it! Now wake up!" Natalie told him strong at first and then she got to emotional, so emotional she almost didn't get all the words out. She continued to rest her head on his chest when she heard a small noise come from his mouth.

"Yes" John said softly as he opened his eyes. She looked up at him and their eye's met, she smiled at him, he returned the smile.

"You're alright, I can't believe you're going to be alright, I was so scared, I have to get Michael and tell him" Natalie said as she got up out of the chair

"No, no don't, just lay here with me" John said trying to stop her before she got to the door to call for Michael

"John, I really need to tell Michael you woke and that you seem to be okay" Natalie started to insist

"No, Natalie you don't have to tell him that" John told her and she got a confused look on her face

"What? Why?" Natalie asked as she walked back near him on the bed

"What did Michael tell you?" John asked

Just then Natalie looked to the window of the room, she saw Michael standing their holding Thomas, he was smiling from ear to ear. She shook her head and realized she had been had. She laughed and turned back to John.

"Michael didn't tell me anything John, nothing," she said as she continued to laugh. She climbed into the bed with him, he moved so his arms went around her and he held her. Contently they lay holding each other for a few minutes.

"John, you aren't seriously hurt are you?" Natalie asked as she ran her fingers over his arm that was wrapped around her.

"No" John answered softly

"How much of what I said did you hear?" Natalie asked him softly almost a little embarrassed by declarations of Love to him while she thought he was in a coma.

"All of it" John said as he snuggled his head closer to her neck and he kissed it. Natalie started to laugh for a few minutes and then all of a sudden she jumped up, and ran to the bathroom adjoining john's hospital room. John heard her sick in the bathroom and after a few minutes she came out.

"Are you alright?" John asked watching her closely

"Yep, better than I've been in a long time" Natalie said as she smiled and rejoined him on his bed. she was still smiling and he was confused.

"What?" he asked

"Nothing " she said as she pulled his arm tighter around her body.

"So what did happen to you?" Natalie asked

"It's not important, I'll tell you later. I just .. it's been a long time since I held you lets just enjoy it Okay?" John told her softly as he tightened his grip around her.

"John" Natalie said barely able to get his name out.

"I'm sorry babe, I'll loosen my hold" John said as he closed his eye's, he brought his nose to the back of her hair and took a breath, breathing in the smell of her shampoo, the smell he always loved. after about a half hour of silently lying together they looked up when they saw Michael walk in with Thomas. Natalie got up immediately and walked over to Michael and took Thomas from him.

"He woke up and neither I nor the nurses could get him back to sleep." Michael told her as he handed him to Natalie.

"Thanks for everything Michael, I think?" Natalie said and she gave him a small smirk.

"Yeah, thanks Mikey, you're a good uncle, a pretty good brother and I'm sure you'll be an even better brother in law." John told him and he looked at Natalie. Michael smiled at John's words but before he could say anything he heard Natalie speak.

"An how would you know what kind of Brother in law he would make, planning on getting married Mcbain," Natalie told John as she walked around a bit with Thomas.

"Yeah, soon I hope I've just been proposed to" John told her smiling at her

"That's funny I didn't hear any proposal" Natalie told him and she looked at Michael quickly and gave him a wink.

"Well, I sure as shit did, it was just a little while ago and I remember it very clearly, you said something to the fact that you can't live without me and then you asked me to marry you" John told her as he still smiled

"I think you were dreaming Mcbain," Natalie told him as she and Thomas got closer to him in the bed.

"You're gonna make me work for this one aren't you?" John told her smiling, as he knew the game she was playing.

"Yup, as soon as your out of that bed," she told him as she put Thomas on her shoulder, she leaned in to give him a soft kiss but before she kissed him, he pulled his head back.

"You mean as soon as I'm out of this bed? Cause I can be out of this bed right now, see?" John told her as he stood to his feet, taking the IV in his arm with him. John kneeled down on one knee with his hospital gown on as Natalie tried to take a peak of the open back of it as he did. John smiled at her efforts and directed his attention to her smiling face, he took her hand and kissed it.

"Natalie will you marry me?" John asked and before Natalie spoke they turned towards Michael when they heard him clear his throat. They watched Michael take something out of his pocket. Michael walked closer to John and Nat. He took Thomas from Nat's arm and then handed John a velvet box.

"Maybe you should try it again and with the ring this time John." Michael said as he saw the puzzled looks on their faces.

"The nurse gave me your stuff when you were brought in, I was just holding it so it wouldn't get lost, I swear." Michael said smiling

"Yeah, I think you were gonna pawn it" John laughed as he took the ring out of the box and looked into Natalie's eyes.

"Have you been carrying that ring with you since you asked me?" Natalie asked him.

"No, since I bought it, now if I can get on with it, it seems to be taking forever here and I'm a little nervous." John told her sarcastically

"No need to be nervous Johnny it's easy, she's al--" Michael told him as John gave Mike an angry glare and cut off his words.

"If you don't mind Mikey, if you're gonna watch can ya just be quiet" John told him and Natalie laughed.

"Natalie Buchanan will you M----" John went to say and Thomas started crying.

"For petes sake" John said throwing his arms up in the arm, Michael tried to calm Thomas, as Natalie couldn't help but laugh. She put her hand to her mouth so to muffle her laughter. Thomas calmed down and John again started.

"Natalie will you Mar---" John again got cut off by Bo walking into his room, Bo was about to say something but saw John so he went over and stood by Michael and Thomas.

"Okay, I'm gonna attempt his one more time, Natalie w--" John again started when Bo's cell phone rang. Natalie couldn't take it anymore, he was trying so hard and getting so frustrated.

"Yes John, I'll marry you, can I have the ring now?" she told him with a bright smile. John laughed and put the ring on her finger, she leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips as Michael and Bo watched as they clapped for them. Thomas started to cry again as they kissed and Natalie started to laugh as her lips were still on John's. They broke apart and John stood and looked at her as she went and took Thomas from Michael. Natalie walked back over to John with Thomas. John gently touched the top of Thomas head as he looked at him.

"I love you, both of you," John said as he put his hand on Thomas' back as Natalie held Thomas to her chest, he leaned in and kissed her.


	20. Chapter 20 Smut

ABC Owns Them

* * *

**Chapter 20 (NC-17)**

After a few more minutes of watching John and Natalie kiss Bo cleared his throat as he walked over to them.

"Congratulations the two of you," Bo told them and then he smiled at his niece.

"I think it's a good move honey," Bo told her and he kissed her cheek.

"Thanks Uncle Bo."

"Yeah, I think it's a good move too, especially for Johnny cause no one else wants to put up with his sorry ass" Michael said smirking at John.

"Mikey, the baby, your language." John told him acting offended by his words.

"Yeah, Yeah, congratulations bro" Michael said as he gave john a man hug.

'Mikey can I ask you something?"

"You don't have to ask I'd love to be your best man"

"That wasn't what I was going to ask you, but if I ask you that will it get me out of here any sooner?" John said and he smiled. Everyone laughed and Michael informed John that he could release him now if he promised to rest. Of course John did and then he got ready to leave the hospital. Natalie went back to the station quickly and picked up her car, she left Thomas with John and Michael. John was waiting out front of the hospital with Michael and Thomas when Natalie pulled up in her car. Natalie started to drive them home; she stopped at the all night drug store first.

"I'll be right back I've got to get formula for Thomas" Natalie told him when she left and went into the store. A few minutes later she came out with a huge bag of stuff.

"Formula huh?" John asked

"Okay, he needed a few other things too" she said and she continued to drive. A few minutes later they arrived at their destination. Natalie and Thomas walked John slowly up to his room. John unlocked his door and they went inside, John was about to say good night to them when Natalie put Thomas in his infant seat down in the living room and put up one finger to John. She left the room and went down stairs to the car. Five or ten minutes later she returned juggling a portable pack an play, a diaper bag and the bags from the drug store, she banged on the door with her foot and John opened it to she her barely holding on to all the stuff in her hands.

"Whoa, what's all this? What's going on?" John asked her as he took some stuff from her before she dropped it all.

"It's Thomas stuff, Thomas and I are spending the night, home, with you" she said as she looked into his eye's, they were glassy and he leaned in and kissed her softly. After a few minutes of kissing they set up the pack and play for Thomas to sleep in, he had already fallen back to sleep from the car ride so they gently put him into it without waking him. John went to his draw and pulled out sweats for himself and a few shirts. He walked closer to Natalie who was still watching to make sure Thomas stayed asleep, John got her attention quietly and he threw her one of his shirts.

"Here, I know you like to sleep in this one," He told her as she looked at the shirt and a few memories came back to her, she grinned and walked over towards him, he was still in the bedroom by the wall in between the two rooms. She walked even closer, a few feet away; she looked into his eyes as she started to undress herself for him.

"You know me so well," Natalie told him with a devilish grin as she continued to remove every article of clothing that she was wearing, she never broke free of looking straight ahead at him, finally when she had no more clothes to rid she took the shirt he threw at her and pulled it on to her shoulders as she pulled her arms thru it, the buttons to the shirt laid unbuttoned and she took his hand and lead him completely into the bedroom and over by the bed.

John went willingly over by the bed with Natalie his eyes never wavered hers. At the foot of the bed Natalie saw John starting to pull his shirt off when she stopped him.

"No, let me, the Dr said to take it easy," Natalie told him with a grin as she pulled his shirt up over his head, she threw it to the floor and then took her hands down to his pants button, she slowly unbuttoned his pants and reached her hand inside his boxers to feel him, she smiled as she felt his hardness and then she took her other hand and unzipped his zipper, she abruptly yanked his pants and boxers down as she brought her naked front to him, pulling her body up against his as she felt his muscular chest she lowered herself and pulled his pants and boxers completely off of his legs. Natalie lingered by his calves for a few minutes when she started to move her body up his very slowly, her hands went up his thighs as her body moved up and when she came to his erection she paused for a moment with her hands and felt around the area to tease him.

John was so aroused at this point that he couldn't not have any contact with her, he brought his hands down towards her as her body and her hands were still by his penis, he tried to touch her breasts but she looked up at him and shook her head no. Then she focused her attention to his enlarged member, she ran her hand up and down his length and she smiled up at him as she brought her tongue on him, she licked his shaft gently at first and she felt him shake a bit, she laughed to herself as she took him into her mouth, over and over again for a few minutes she brought him in and out of her mouth as his hands went to the back of her hair, tugging on it as if matching her slow agonizing motions, after a few minutes Natalie knew he was near his breaking point so she brought her mouth and her body up towards his.

John had his eye's closed and he was seeing stars when he felt her stop, he opened his eye's to see her move herself up on him, she caressed her breasts on his chest as she did. Natalie intensely looked into his desire filled eyes and she gave him a sexy smile as she took his hand in hers and placed it on her left breast. John knew it was now his turn to enjoy her and bring her close to her peak as he kissed her urgently and moved his other hand to her other breast. His thumbs found her Nipples and flicked them over and over again till he heard her gasp from his actions, he leaned his head down to her breast and took it in, he suckled on it as his tongue swirled around her nipple never touching the tip.

Natalie felt like she was going to fall down from all the passion and she stepped backward a few steps and fell back on the bed, John followed her as she fell backwards and he to fell on the bed on top of her. He moved his mouth to hers and he kissed her deeply as he pulled her body close to his by pulling her up with his arms around her back. After a few minutes Natalie knew what she needed and she knew that he should take it easy. She pulled her mouth away from his, she pulled out of his grip on her and she moved herself as she pushed him gently back on his back, she climbed on top of his erection and guided him inside her as she stared into his eye's. She leaned forward slightly for a minute with her breasts over his mouth as he reached his mouth up and sucked on one of her hovering breasts. Feeling the suckling sensations on her breast and nipple Natalie tightened down on his penis and pulled her body back up, she sat up straight on him as her hips started moving forward and back on him, slowly at first and then his hands went to her hips and helped to move her faster, quicker as he stared at his beautiful soul mate staring back at him, he mouthed an " I Love you" and he saw her lose all control, her body spasmed on him and her walls clenched him, as he pushed himself up and into her as deep as possible causing them both to quietly scream out in pleasure as they reached bliss together. Natalie slowly came down from their lovemaking and she rolled on the bed along side him. John's arms went around her as she laid her head on his chest, he put his hands into her hair and he played with it.

"Welcome Home Babe" John said to her softly as he leaned down and kissed the top of her head.


	21. Chapter 21

ABC owns them

* * *

**Chapter 21**

John and Natalie slept all night till around eight am the next morning when Thomas woke for his bottle, Natalie heard him and she jumped up out of John's arms. She walked quietly into the other room and she took Thomas out of his crib, she smiled at him as she held him and walked over to the refrigerator for his bottle, she took a seat on the couch and feed him as she spoke to him quietly not to wake John.

"We're home to stay, aren't we Thomas, now that Mommy and Daddy put all there issues away, we're home and we're never going away again, not you, not mommy, and not ----"

" Daddy" John said as he walked over to them on the couch. He smiled at her as he took a seat next to her. He watched as she continued to feed Thomas and he felt like the luckiest man alive. He had her back in his life, she was going to be his wife, something he had wanted for such a long time, something he never thought would ever happen for him, to have someone that he loved so much and for that person to love him back, to have a child with that person, and to someday soon call this love of his life his wife. He shook his head wondering how he probably didn't deserve all of this but that he would never leave it again, they would be life partners together forever and he knew it.

"What's going on in that brain of yours Mcbain?" Natalie asked him as she saw him deep in thought.

"Nothing much, just wondering when you want me to make an honest woman of you" John told her as she laughed a little.

"I don't know about honest," she said joking

"Well then when can I make you my wife? When can we be a family the three of us?" John told her still gazing into her beautiful blue eyes.

"I don't know, when ever your ready, a few days, a few weeks, a few months, It just feels so right for us to be together that no matter when it is, I'm never losing this feeling, not ever. You pick when we should get married" Natalie told him and she saw him debating things in his head.

"I would be happy doing it today but I want more for you, for the starting of our life together, so how about two to three weeks, is that enough time to put a small wedding with family together?" He asked her and she smiled.

"Just perfect" Natalie told him and she kissed his lips.

A few weeks went by when John and Natalie were all set for their wedding, the three of them had been living together at home, John's room since the night they became engaged. They had planned a small intimate wedding with family and friends at Rodi's. They rented the place out and they both felt it was the best place to join their love together, Joey had flown in from London as a surprise for Nat and he was going to be performing the ceremony.

The ceremony was to be simple, John and Natalie would meet over by the bar where Joey would say a few words, they would say their vows, they would give each other rings and then he would announce them husband and wife. It would be just their style and that's what they wanted, they also wanted to play a few games of pool as husband and wife before the day was over. It all happened as they had planned, they joined their souls in Holy Matrimony, they were one, just the way it should have been a long time ago, better late than never Michael told everyone as he gave his toast. Everyone was excited for them, even Thomas had smiled the whole day and they got some beautiful pictures to someday show their grandchildren.

Towards the end of the wedding John whispered in Natalie's ear that before they left for their honeymoon, well their quick trip to AC, that he had a surprise for her and Thomas. Sort of a wedding present he said and Natalie smiled at him knowing she had her own surprise, wedding present for him. The three of them got in John's car, John insisted that Nat be blindfolded and they drove, not very far from Rodi's maybe fifteen minutes, john turned off the car. He went and got Thomas out of his car seat first and then he helped to guide Nat out of the car. He leaned her up against his car as he took her blindfold off.

"So" John said as he saw her get a small smile on her face as she looked around

"So, what do ya think?" John again asked as he watched her walk around the place. Natalie looked around the grounds and saw a beautiful cottage looking house. It wasn't to close to neighbors and it had a fence around the back yard. Natalie walked over to the gate on the fence and went into the yard; there was already a swing set, set up back there.

"That looks new" Natalie said looking at the swing set.

"It sure is I just built it myself, finished two days ago" John told her proudly

"I don't believe you" Natalie said hesitantly

"I really did, of course I had a little help from Hugh"

"Hugh?"

"Yeah, it was sort of a male bonding experience, he's not a bad guy when he's not after my wife" John said smiling and he kissed her

"Wow! I guess I'll have to get use to hearing you call me that"

"Yup, you will wife, lets go inside wife, I want to show you around wife"

"Okay John, enough with the wife crap, you're going to wear it out in one day" Natalie told him as they walked into the house. Natalie walked inside and she fell in love with it instantly.

"John, how did you find this place? Why?"

"I've been looking for a place for us since I came back, I know our room is home, but it's to small to raise Thomas and I think the reason it was home was because we were together in it, so this place will be home to."

"Come on let me show you the bedrooms, there's four" John said as he took her upstairs and showed her their room and then the bedroom he picked out for Thomas. Natalie walked over to another bedroom and looked into it. She was looking around it as john followed her in with Thomas still in his arms.

"This will be perfect for the baby" Natalie said as she smiled at John.

"Okay, if you like this one better for Thomas then that's okay"

"No John, Thomas can have the other one you picked out but this one will be for the new baby"

"What? Are you trying to tell me something?" John said with a slight grin catching on to the secret

"Yeah, that was my wedding present, my surprise, I'm almost two months pregnant."

"What? Are you sure?" John asked her grinning from ear to ear

"Yes, I'm sure, I went to the doctor already, we're gonna have another baby John"

Seven Months later

"Just one more push Babe, the doctor says one more and the baby's here, you can do it, I know you can" John told Natalie as she bore down to push the baby out.

"Okay, Mrs. Mcbain one more big push, I just need one more" the Doctor told Natalie as she again bared down but harder and longer this time till she felt herself pushing their, hers and John's, baby, their second baby out of her.

John looked at Natalie as they heard a perfect cry, the most beautiful music to their ears. They looked away from each other briefly to look at the Dr. as she held up a baby boy.

"Another boy" Natalie said smiling as the sweat ran down her face

"Yeah, another boy" John said still stunned by the fact that he saw life being born, his life, his product of life, theirs.

The Dr. checked the baby and handed him to Natalie to hold while the Dr cleaned Natalie up. Natalie held him and looked into his eyes. John moved closer to the two of them and he ran his finger across the baby's cheek, his mouth opened slightly and they both looked at him in amazement.

"I can't believe that came out of there, I mean, it was so easy"

"Easy for you maybe you didn't have to push him out of a small opening." they and the Dr. came over towards them and the baby.

"He's a looker, a real looker, does he have a name?" The Dr asked and both John and Natalie looked at each other, they thought for a few minutes, they remembered what they were doing when she went into labor.

It was March 17th, Saint Patrick's day and Natalie had just finished decorating the house Green for the Irish holiday, she had Thomas dressed in green and if he Thomas would've had Natalie's color hair he would've looked like a leprechaun, she remembered laughing at how cut he looked, she bent down to pick up a toy and she felt a trickle of water, her water was leaking out little by little. She moved to run to Thomas, who was now walking and had been for the past two months. And she felt the contractions start and fast, a lot faster than her labor with Thomas.

Natalie came out of her thoughts and looked at the clock it was still St Patrick's Day.

"Patrick, I think we should name him Patrick John Mcbain" Natalie said with a smile

"I love it and I love you, very much"


	22. Epilogue

ABC Owns them

* * *

**Epilogue **

" I can't believe I was out numbered, I can't believe you guys are dragging me here to this place, this happy place, what is it called again?"

"It's Dizzy World" Three yr old Brianna told her dad as she popped her head out of the double stroller Natalie was pushing her and her twin sister Brooke in.

"That's Disney World, and look over there that's Space Mountain" Thomas said as he pointed to the big futuristic looking dome.

"Wow! That's suppose to go really, really fast, come on dad let's go," Patrick said as he tried to pull john towards the line for the ride.

"How fast is it supposed to go?" John said nervously as he looked towards the line of the ride

" Not sure, just really, really, fast, come on lets go" Thomas told John and tried to pull him by his arm but John wasn't moving, then Patrick grabbed John's other arm and started pulling him to, John was not budging.

"You know what boys, we just had a really big breakfast I'm kinda.. Kinda stuffed how about we hit that one later? your sisters want to go on the Winnie the pooh ride." John told them and he saw Natalie let out a little laugh, she walked closer to him and whispered in his ear.

"Someone afraid of a fast roller coaster" Natalie whispered in his ear so the kids wouldn't hear, she didn't want the boys that idolized their strong, rough, law enforcing dad to know the real truth, the truth that underneath that brooding exterior, underneath all his layers he was a pussy cat, a real teddy bear, their was nothing harsh or rough, or even cold about John Mcbain, not when you were lucky enough to cut thru those layers and find him, the real him.

Natalie smiled as she heard her eight yr old son Patrick talk, he made a few faces imitating disgust before they all heard his words.

"Winnie the pooh, yuck, mom can take them on that ride, we want to go on the fast roller coaster" Patrick said and then he saw his dad turn to his mom.

John looked at Nat for help, he hated roller coasters, he hated things like this, he had just started to some what like carnivals after Natalie made him take her and the kids to them when ever one came to town. John looked again at Natalie who was trying to get Brooke out of the stroller so the three of them could go on the Winnie the pooh ride. Natalie looked up at John with a slight smirk on her face, she shook her head, he didn't have to ask, she knew.

"You know what boys, I'd really like to go on that Roller coaster, what was it called again?" Natalie asked as she saw John's face change from nervous to thankful

"Space mountain" nine yr old Thomas replied

"Maybe if it's okay with dad he'll let me go instead, that is if he doesn't mind watching your sisters, I did hear that ride goes really, really fast and it's a lot of fun"

"Do you mind honey, I mean I know the pooh ride won't be as much fun, or nearly as daring as Space Mountain but I'd really like to try it" Natalie asked John and she couldn't help but smile at him, he gave her one of her favorite grins.

"If you really want to babe, go ahead I'll take care of the girls" John told her and he went closer to her and gave her a quick kiss on the lips, he leaned into her ear.

"Now I remember why I love you so much" he whispered in her ear and she laughed.

"You owe me Mcbain, you owe me a lot" Natalie told him as she took the boys by their hands and she started to walk off with them, John watched her walk away, she turned back briefly as she continued to walk and she saw him pick both of the girls up, one in each arm, as she saw his mouth start to say something.

"I owe you much more than you'll ever know" John said as he watched her turn back around and walk with their sons to the ride.


End file.
